To download a printable version of this transcript, click here.
 
iQuestions Faculty, Dr. Kevin Leman 
 
 
Question: 
 
My husband has a great job offer out-of-state. But I like my job here. 
And, my family, who also live here, help with our kids. Where does 
submission come into this? 
 
Answer:  
 
What a good question. I love this question, because it puts us at odds. 
You know, there are a couple of things for you to consider in this 
question. Number one, you mentioned your family is here. Now, I’m 
the author of a book called The Home Court Advantage, where I 
bravely say—and it sounds so un-American; live as close to one set of 
grandparents as possible. 
 
You know, if you have children, those grandparents are an invaluable 
resource for your kids. They’re going to make a difference in those 
kids’ lives. And I’m on record as saying: “You know what? When the 
boss pulls you in the office and says, ‘Hey, great news. The promotion 
came through, and you’re going to be in Seattle July 30th.’ Well, I’ve 
got news for you. If you grew up in a little town in Ohio, and you’ve 
got extended family around you; not only grandma and grandpa, but 
cousins and aunts and uncles and all of that, and you’re going to move 
to Seattle? Let me use a clinical term to describe your actions: you’re 
nuts.” 
 
It’s like taking a little sapling tree and pulling it out and moving it from 
place to place. Your kids are rooted there. In my biased opinion, you 
make decisions based upon people, and not things. If you’re lucky 
enough, and I mean this in the truest sense of the word, to have good 
family around, you’d be foolish to leave them.   
 
 
Now, there are a lot of us who have toxic parents. If you have toxic 
parents around you, you may want to head for that promotion half-
way across the country we live in. But, the whole notion of submission 
that you brought up? Let me suggest to you that submission is really a 
great word. Now, I speak at a lot of women’s banquets, and I always 
love to do that because they’re fun. And the women always decorate, 
you know, everything’s beautiful. And at the end of the banquet, a 
woman gets up and says, “It’s been a joyous evening. Ladies, I have a 
special treat for you. If you’ll look under your chair, one of you will 
have a little heart under your chair. And if you have a little heart under 
your chair, you can take the centerpiece home for $50.” Women, you 
do things completely different than us men.  
 
Back to submission. You need to be submissive, ladies. And I wish you 
would see me at those banquets when I get up and I say; “I’ve chosen 
as my topic tonight, ‘How to be a submissive woman.’” If looks could 
kill—I’m a dead man. You try selling that to a group of women. But, if 
women will just hear me out, they have to see the other side of the 
coin, because men need to be submissive to. Guess who to? Their 
wives. What I’m saying is that your needs are being told to your 
husband. It’s your husband’s responsibility to know how you think. 
And I’m telling you, and I don’t know how else to say it; you women 
think completely different than us men. In many ways, you’re weird 
and we’re strange. I’ll admit that.  
 
But the key is, that you need to get behind each other’s eyes to see 
how you see life. So, what we’re talking about is not a one-way; “I’m 
better than you are” submission. We’re talking about a mutual 
submission. And, if you are a person of faith, that submission starts 
with submission to, who? To Almighty God! But, what I’m saying is, if 
you’re going to be a good leader, gentlemen, to your wife, you’ve got 
to know all of her idiosyncrasies. I mean, I married a woman: I call 
her “the Baptist” just for fun. She’s got a few rules in her life. Her 
Page -2- 
 
nighties are indescribable. I mean, they’re hard to get a hold of. She’s 
got flannel ones, five-eighth inches thick. We live in the desert. It’s hot 
in Tuscan, Arizona. And no trap door! I’ve searched all over. It’s not 
there. But that’s who she is. 
 
And, what I’ve learned as a husband, 39 years in a row married, is for 
me to not only be submissive to my God, but to be submissive to this 
woman. In other words, my job is to help meet her needs in life. Am I 
going to meet all her needs? No. But, she needs to be submissive to 
me. In other words, it’s a mutual submissiveness. 
 
And that’s where the big pay-off is in marriage today. Take a look 
around. The average marriage lasts seven years. So, on this one, with 
a big decision to move, and a husband who wants to move, and you 
want to stay there; I think it’s your husband’s responsibility to know 
what your heart is. And to choose to act, based upon those feelings 
that are in your heart. If he’s a good leader, that’s what he will do. 
 
 
 
 
 
Page -3- 
To download a printable version of this transcript, click here.