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iQuestions Faculty, Ron Blue 
 
 
Question: 
 
How much financial help should we give our adult children? 
 
Answer: 
 
This is a question—of how much help do we give our adult children—
that parents struggle with. Most people are not even adequately 
prepared to answer that question until they find themselves in the 
mess. 
 
Let me give you eight principles or suggestions that can guide how 
much you want to help your adult children. There’s no right or wrong 
answers here, but there are some principles. The first principle is, 
don’t ever use your wealth to manipulate their behavior.  
 
In other words, you don’t want them making a decision that’s really 
your decision, but you put them in a position where they don’t have 
any choice. I can think of situations where parents will make their 
financial help conditional. I don’t think financial help to adult children 
should be conditional. Otherwise it’s not a gift. It is just an attempt to 
manipulate their behavior. 
 
Secondly—and here’s a really big one for parents that have the 
financial means to help their children—is you never, ever want to 
commit you children to your lifestyle. They need to settle in on their 
lifestyle. People who help their children buy homes, for example, many 
times put their children into a situation where they’ve changed their 
lifestyle, and they’ve committed their children to a lifestyle that their 
children really can’t afford or really don’t want to afford. 
 
 
 
Thirdly, you never want to destroy the need for your children to 
provide for themselves. We have two sons and three sons-in-laws. And 
what I never want to do is to destroy my sons-in-law need to provide 
for their families, or my sons’ need to provide for their wives and for 
their families. And so, if I’m going to help, I’ve got to make sure that 
it’s in such a way taking away their need to provide. I never want to 
come between a husband and a wife. I never want my gift, for 
example, to be given to one of my children, and consequently come 
between the husband and wife relationship. That’s one of the most 
devastating things that can happen.  
 
Something close to it is, I never want to come between the parents 
and my grandchildren. So, if I’m going to help my grandchildren I 
want to make sure that my children understand how we’re going to 
help, and that they’re in perfect agreement with it, and it’s a part of 
their plan also. I don’t want this to be about me and my grandchildren. 
I want this to be about the family. Me and their family. 
 
I never want to get in God’s way of dealing with my children. A lot of 
times I might be able to bail them out, but God is in the process of 
doing something for them. My oldest daughter, her husband lost his 
job because of the downsizing of the corporation. And we could have 
stepped in to help them. The good thing was that they had the 
financial resources to live out of their savings account. They learned 
more by having to live out of their savings than had I come in and 
gotten in the way of what God wanted to do in their life. And they’ve 
come out of it in great shape. 
 
Another principle is don’t ever be manipulated by your children’s 
expectations. God gave you the financial resources. He didn’t give it to 
them. You’re the one who has stewardship responsibility over those 
resources. Be really, really careful that you don’t allow your children to 
manipulate you by their expectations. 
 
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Lastly, don’t forget that, as a Christian, you’re the one that has the 
stewardship responsibility over these resources, and how you use 
them you’re accountable for.  
 
When we stand before the Lord, at some point He’s going to say, “How 
did you do with what I entrusted you with?” And one of the things that 
I really want to be well-satisfied with is how I handled my children and 
my grandchildren. It’s far more difficult when they’re adults than when 
they were children. You’ll find the same thing if you don’t yet have 
adult children. 
 
 
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