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iQuestions Faculty, Joe White 
 
 
Question: 
 
How do you deal with your teens taking on more and more 
responsibility? 
 
Answer:  
 
Helping my kids take on more responsibilities was one of the most 
challenging roles that I had, as a dad. But you know what? It was 
really a lot fun. 
 
When a young person grows up, throughout their growing up years, 
there are all these little—I call them golden handcuffs. They’re little 
freedoms, they’re little perks that come along in their life—like a 
computer from time to time; a cell phone; perhaps an iPod; a little 
Walkman CD player; the car keys—and the golden handcuffs say this, 
“Every freedom that I give you as a child, or every special perk I give 
you as a child, demands added responsibilities.” 
 
When one of my daughter was fifteen-and-a-half, it was time for her 
to get her driver’s permit, and she was so excited—but her attitude 
had soured that year, and I was in the car with her the night before 
she was going to get her permit, and she said, “Hey Dad! I’m going to 
get my permit tomorrow!” And I said, “Maybe in thirty days.” 
 
And she said, “What are you talking about?” 
 
And I said, “Well, maybe you’ll get your permit in thirty days.” 
 
And she said, “Well, what do you mean?” And she got upset.  
 
 
 
And I said, “That’s what I mean. When your attitude returns to the 
attitude you had before you turned fifteen, and the way you respect 
your mom when you speak to her, and respect your dad in return, 
then you’ll get your driver’s permit.” 
 
Well, the attitude improved quickly, and, indeed, in thirty days she got 
her driver’s permit. 
 
So, responsibilities come with these special little perks in life and then, 
when they get those special perks—if the GPA is at the level you want 
it to be, and if the attitude at home, and the friends they are choosing, 
shows the responsibilities that the size of that perk demands—then 
that child is going to appreciate that little perk, and they’re going to 
show the responsibilities.  
 
Parents, don’t stop being parents. Even when the child is at the age 
where you can let them use a computer, teach them, show them, and 
demand that they have the responsibility that is deserved by that 
computer. The computer is a dangerous thing. A car is a dangerous 
thing. There are so many things that can go wrong on a car, or a 
computer, or an iPod, that if a child isn’t showing responsibility to 
match that freedom, don’t let it happen. 
 
When my youngest son got his driver’s license, I know he would 
probably drive too fast. He’s kind of reckless and crazy, like his dad. 
And so, we had him fill out an extensive contract. And I said, “Tiger, 
you go down to your room, and you write up a contract, and it needs 
to include everything about obeying the law, about alcohol, about 
drugs, about the way you treat girls. I mean, I want all the issues in 
that contract. And if it’s not all there, back to your room and write it 
again. But when it gets to the level that I believe it demands to drive a 
car, then you sign it and I’ll sign it. And be sure to put the penalty in, 
if you break one of the laws. Be sure and write down what the penalty 
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is going be.” Well, the penalty was going to be a month with no car 
keys. 
 
So, he got his driver’s license. He signed it and I signed it. One month 
later, I got a phone call one night. I was coming in from somewhere 
on an airplane, and I got in my car, and the cell phone rang. It was 
him.  
 
He said, “Hey, Dad.” And I said, “What?”  
 
And he said, “I got a ticket.”  
 
And I said, “Well, how fast were you going?”  
 
He said, “Uh . . . 80.”  
 
And I said, “Were you on an interstate?”  
 
And he said, “No, actually, I was in town.”  
 
And I went, “Oh my goodness! You’re in trouble.”  
 
And he said, “I know.”  
 
I said, “You know the deal.” 
 
And he said, “Yes, sir. I know the deal.” 
 
And I said, “Those car keys will be on my dresser in the morning, and 
they will be mine for a month.”  
 
And he said, “Yes, sir. I understand that.” 
 
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So, he learned responsibilities the hard way–and, honestly, most 
responsibilities you learn the hard way. But when you attach 
responsibilities to those little golden handcuffs in life, then the 
responsibilities can be a joy for them to achieve.  
 
Stick by your plan. Stick with your discipline. Don’t let up. Be sure that 
they know responsibilities. 
 
One of the most important promises we can make our children is when 
they turn seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, and they leave home for 
college or for a job, that they’re able to stand on their own two feet.  
 
Teaching responsibilities is super important as a parent. 
 
 
 
 
 
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