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iQuestions Faculty, Joe White 
 
 
Question: 
 
When is the best time to talk to kids about sex? 
 
Answer:  
 
You would ask that question, “What’s the best time to talk to my kids 
about sex?” And you know what? Here I write books, and I’m on Dr. 
Dobson’s Focus on the Family, and speaking, you know, and in my 
home that was the most difficult thing of all. In fact, I don’t know 
many things I did very well in my house.  
 
But I have a friend, a really good friend, who is a great country-
western artist and writer, and last year his wife was talking to their 
ten-year-old daughter about sex. And this daughter is a precious little 
girl, and she just became so troubled in spirit—they had four 
children—and after the mom talked to the little girl about sex and how 
that whole thing happens, she said, “Mom, you mean you and Dad did 
that four times?” She couldn’t believe it. 
 
And then the next day, they were in their car, driving down the road, 
and she was, again, still troubled. She was still thinking about that, at 
age ten, trying to figure that thing out. She just became really 
troubled. And her mom said, “Maggie, what’s wrong?” 
 
“Mom, there’s got to be a better way to have kids than that!” 
 
But of course, at age thirteen or fourteen, they’re not so afraid, 
because unfortunately their friends and media are making it look so 
great without consequences, to make it look like something you’ve got 
to go out and have when you’re a teenager—and if you don’t, there 
 
 
may be something wrong with you. In fact, sometimes I hear that kids 
are cussing a kid, or putting him down by calling him a “virgin.” 
 
It’s tragic. Moms and dads, we’re a little bit against the wall on this 
issue. Kids are talking about sex. A friend of mine who teaches school 
and has for years said they’re talking about sex in second grade. I 
even had a friend who, in first or second grade, brought home a 
drawing that a boy drew of a bed. She’s a precious, little, frail, blond-
haired girl of age seven or eight years old, and already she’s dealing 
with this issue in her life. It’s tragic what media are doing to our kids.  
 
But what that says to me as a dad is, I’d better get ready. I don’t 
believe there’s a specific age to talk to your kids about sex, but I do 
believe that you need to be ready at any age.  
 
And you know what? The key to talking about sex is having the 
relationship with your kids that’s ready to talk to your kids about 
anything.  
 
You know, kids spell love T-I-M-E—and if I’m spending quality time 
with my kids, if my kids know that I’m crazy about them, then when 
it’s time to talk about difficult subjects like sex, then the things I say 
are going to be important to them. In fact, my voice is going to be 
louder in their life than the voice of their peers and the voice of TV and 
radio. 
 
So, the backdrop of talking about sex is more important than the 
actual conversation about sex. If I’m not spending quality time with 
my kids, if I’m not my kids’ biggest fan, then forget talking to them 
about sex, because they’re probably not going to listen. 
 
But if they know that their daddy or their mommy really cares about 
their heart, that conversation will go well.  
 
White -2- 
 
 
Your conversation will probably happen in the age nine to twelve or 
thirteen range. And, depending upon their age, obviously, you’re going 
to tailor the conversation and the details of the conversation more 
carefully. But trust me. They’re hearing about it at school. They’re 
hearing about it from their peers. Best-case scenario is that they can 
hear it from mom or dad, who really does love and understand them. 
 
One more tip about talking to your kids about sex, if you are in a 
marriage—and I know that so many of us have been divorced, so 
many of us have lost a spouse, and so many of us are doing it all by 
ourselves, and I believe that single moms, honestly, are the heroes of 
our society, and single dads, in a lot of cases, who are raising their 
kids—But if you are in a marriage, the best way to talk to your kids 
about sex is to model tremendous love and respect for your spouse. 
 
When I cherish my bride, when I adore my bride, when I serve my 
bride, my kids are going to get the best sermon about sex than they’ll 
ever get from anything that I have to say. 
 
Talking to kids about sex? It may be difficult. But a great relationship 
will make it not only possible, but another good growing-up experience 
for you and your kids.   
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
White -3- 
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