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iQuestions Faculty, Greg Smalley 
 
 
Question: 
 
I'm in college and like to date. My friends say they're waiting for "Mr. 
Right." Is there something wrong with casual dating? 
 
Answer: 
 
There is a huge debate in our society—especially in our culture—about 
“should we date? Is it okay to date? Should we wait until we cannot 
find ‘the one,’ and then just go through courtship?” 
 
You know, what’s unfortunate is that it’s not that dating is for 
everyone, but I want to be real clear that there is tremendous value in 
dating. But again, there are some things that you really need to be 
careful of and really pay attention to.  
 
I remember as I was thinking this through—of course, after my very 
first date, I should have stopped right then and there. I still can’t 
believe this happened. There was a girl in high school—I couldn’t wait 
to ask her out. Finally, I asked her out, and she said, “Yes.” I was so 
excited, and I was asking all of my buddies, you know, “Where should 
I take her? What should we do?” and they’d given all kinds of different 
ideas.   
 
I really wanted to make a great impression on her, and really just do 
something that she would enjoy, that wouldn’t be like sitting there so 
we’d have to talk the whole time—I didn’t know if I could carry on a 
conversation—so I decided to take her putt-putt golfing, you know, 
little mini golfing.  
 
 
 
And so, we were having so much fun, saying all the right jokes, she’s 
laughing—I mean, I think this is going great. So, she hit the ball, it 
went down a little ways, and she kind of walked down towards her 
ball. The problem was, this particular hole was right next to a little 
pond area. There was a really tiny, real low chain link fence right by 
where she was standing. 
 
Well, trying to be funny, I kinda took my golf club and drew it back 
like I was going to hit a 300-yard drive, and I swung, purposefully 
missing the ball, just pretending, trying to be funny—and she thought 
that I was actually going to hit it. So, as I swung the club, she jumped 
out of the way, tripped over the chain link fence, and rolled, 
completely submerged into the pond. 
 
Which isn’t always the best way to impress your date. I really wouldn’t 
recommend that. After that experience, I wanted to give up dating. 
 
And you might feel the same way. You might be wondering, you know, 
“Is this a good idea, or should I really be waiting?” Whatever you 
choose, let me at least encourage you to think through a couple of 
things in terms of, “What are some positives about dating?” 
 
The biggest thing I’d encourage someone to do is, be clear about what 
is your end in mind. If you do want to date, what is it that you are 
trying to accomplish? Most people don’t ever think that through. 
They’re just dating because their friends are doing it, or because they 
think that’s the right thing to do. They’ve never actually thought 
about, “Okay, at this stage, at this season in my life, why do I want to 
date? What is my end in mind?” 
 
There are a lot of ends in mind. There are a lot of goals that we can 
have toward the end. 
 
Smalley -2- 
 
 
Let me give you a quick list. There’s about nine things that you can 
use in dating. Listen to this list. Dating can be done: just to have fun; 
to deepen your knowledge about someone; to experience other 
personalities; to see what’s out there; to learn to communicate; to 
have social interaction; to deepen a friendship; to find a mate; or even 
to prepare for marriage. 
 
There are so many reasons for dating that it doesn’t have to be just 
about finding a spouse. It can be, simply, “I just want to have fun. I 
want some companionship.” That’s okay.  
 
The problem that I find, when you bring two people together, is if their 
end in mind for dating is very different. If you’re going out with 
someone who’s trying to find a spouse, and yet your date is just 
wanting to have fun, boy, you’re going to miss one another.  
 
It’s not that you have to ask someone, “What’s your end in mind?” but 
I tell you, for you, be clear on what it is that you are trying to 
accomplish in this season—and that’s going to change. “I just want to 
go out and have some fun.” “I want to really learn how to better 
communicate.”  
 
I tell you, some of the best lessons in my life, in terms of how to 
communicate with women have been learned out on dates. You know, 
you try to explain to someone that you just knocked into a pond what 
you were thinking and why you did that—there’s some valuable 
lessons. 
 
So, again, in the end, just try to really be clear on what you’re trying 
to accomplish through dating. Whatever that is, just be true to that. 
 
Smalley -3- 
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