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iQuestions Faculty, Dr. Kevin Leman 
 
 
Question: 
 
My wife and I disagree about how to discipline our children. What 
should we do? 
 
Answer:  
 
If there’s one thing a parent has to do it’s they’ve got to be on the 
same page with each other. I mean, I’m telling you. We have seen the 
enemy. And they are small, and they are going to circle the wagons. 
They’re going to destroy you as a parent, as a family, if you’re not 
together on discipline. 
 
What happens is; you’re competitive in your marriage. It’s really a 
marriage problem more than it is a kid problem. To tell you the truth, 
kids are going to react to the differences between you. What usually 
happens is; you’ve got one parent who is too authoritarian. They’re 
too bossy. They’re too strong-willed themselves and they sort of hover 
over their kids. Well, to balance that out, the other spouse decides 
that he or she is going to turn into the permissive Disneyland Mom or 
Dad of the Year. Not a good idea. The kids are going to respond in a 
negative way to that kind of a home. 
 
Whether you know it or not, you (mom and dad), are the foundation 
for your kids. And your kids are depending upon you to be on the 
same page. And when you’re not on the same page, guess what the 
kids do? They misbehave. They react to you not being together. Kids 
not only want us to be together, they need us to be together.  
 
 
When we give a united front to kids, guess what? They draw security 
from that. Do you want a kid who feels secure about himself? Then 
make sure you’re on the same page.  
 
You know, we’re all going to have differences. I always say men are 
strange and women are weird. And we do see life completely different. 
And there are times when you have got to get behind closed doors and 
knock out those differences and come to a resolution; that you know 
as parents, it’s really important that we agree on some things.  
 
So, that means you might negotiate some things. You might 
compromise some things. But you work toward being on the same 
page. Why? Because it’s not only good for your kids, it’s great for your 
kids. If your kids grow up in a home where mom and dad are on the 
same page, guess what? They’re going to thrive in that environment. 
 
And if they don’t grow up in that kind environment? They’re going to 
fight the environment; tooth and nail. You’re going to create a 
powerful little buzzard who is going to drive you up the proverbial wall.  
 
 
 
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