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iQuestions Faculty, Dr. Kevin Leman 
 
 
Question: 
 
How can I stop my 18-month-old from continual fussing and whining? 
 
Answer:  
 
An age-old question: “How do you get kids, 18-month-old children, to 
stop whining, fussing?” Well, welcome to parenthood. 
 
Let me tell you about 18-month-old children. I always tell young 
parents, “Hey, when your child hits 18 months, circle the month and 
get ready for Armageddon, because this little sucker is going to 
understand what power is all about.” And they’re going to pay 
particular attention to how you react to their powerful, manipulative 
ways. 
 
What you have to understand is that children are hedonistic little 
suckers from the get-go. They don’t care about the pastor and his 
wife. They don’t care about the grocery clerk. All they care about is 
themselves. We’re the parents. Our job is to train them up, to love 
them in such a way that they get to think about other people as they 
grow older. But at 18 months of age, I’m telling you, they’re about as 
hedonistic as they can get. 
 
Now, do they fuss? Yeah. Do they whine? Yeah. 
 
I always get asked, you know, “Hey, what do you do with a whining 
kid?” My best answer: “Put them in the whine cellar. It’s a great place 
for a whiner, whether at 18 months or 9 years of age. Kids whine for a 
reason. Why would a kid continue whining? Because it has paid off. 
See, what you have to understand about young children is every kid is 
 
going to seek attention; the 18-month-old is going to seek attention. 
When you have relatives over, and he’s doing something cute, and 
they’re all pointing and laughing, it’s really cute and funny, isn’t it? 
And they’re reinforced for that. Company’s gone, and he still does the 
same cute thing for about the nineteenth time. It’s not so cute 
anymore, is it? But notice how the behavior stays around. Why? 
Because it was reinforced. 
 
So, you’ve got to be careful here. When kids throw a temper-tantrum 
for example; take whining and fussing to the eighth degree, right 
there on the floor of the supermarket; what do you do? You step over 
the child. There’s a great temptation to what? Step on the child! As 
you step over the child and walk away, what does the 18-month-old 
child do? They run after you. “Mommy, Mommy, wait for me!” Why? 
Because the temper-tantrum is thrown for who’s benefit? Yours. 
 
The child is saying, “Hey, parent. I’m in authority over you. You’re 
going to do what I want you to do.”  Now, again, don’t take my word 
for it on this one. You just go out to a park. You go out to a mall. You 
go to a store and you tell me what you see. Kids, shorter than a 
yardstick, in full control of adults. I saw a grandma with her grandson 
at the supermarket, and grandma went to reach for something. And 
the kid, who couldn’t have been 19-20 months old is going, “No, that 
one.” 19 months old! Can you imagine that? 
 
So, you need to be a healthy authority over kids. I’m just telling you 
that kids who are whining and fussing continue to do that because 
we’ve paid them off. How do you un-pay it? You pick them up; you 
remove them from the scene. That’s one of the best disciplinary 
measures you’ll find with an 18-month-old child.  
 
By the way, there’s a brand new invention. It’s called a playpen. It’s a 
great place to put a whiner. It’s a great place to put a kid who’s 
fussing. It says, “You know what? You’ve got a right to fuss and whine, 
Leman -2- 
 
but you’re going to do it here. You’re not going to do it on my leg.” 
And what kids do is they’ll come up and they’ll grab your leg, and 
they’ll just fuss and whine, and they demand that you pay attention to 
them. So, not only are they attention-getters, but they are powerful 
children. Their lifestyle, the way they’re looking at life seems to be 
saying, “I only count in life when I dominate, control, and win.” That’s 
the powerful little buzzard. 
 
My friend Jim Dobson calls them “the strong-willed child.” I call them 
powerful little buzzards. Either terminology, you understand it.  But 
you need to draw some lines. How you’re going to behave and how 
you’re going to respond to this kid’s behavior; which you don’t want to 
have current in his life.  
 
So, you be the parent: stand up, face him best you can; remove him 
from the scene lovingly and gently. That’s your best bet with a fussing 
kid. Good luck. 
 
 
 
Leman -3- 
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