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iQuestions Faculty, Dr. Gary & Barbara Rosberg 
 
 
Question: 
 
My feelings for my spouse aren’t as strong since we've been apart. 
Can I call it quits?  I don't think he can ever understand what I’ve 
gone through. 
 
Answer: 
 
DR. GARY ROSBERG: Deployment is very, very hard on any kind of 
marriage relationship. You’re out defending this country, and your 
spouse is back home taking care of the kids, taking care of the bills, 
and really trying to manage the home. And yet, we know that many 
times feelings will begin to diminish. 
 
Now folks, here are a couple of things to think about. First of all, 
feelings are antecedents or results of thoughts. And, a lot of times, 
people will say, “I just don’t feel like I’m in love anymore.” Well, stick 
around for a few days, because that may change. You can’t make your 
decisions based on feelings. 
 
There was some research a couple of years ago that analyzed whether 
people were happy or unhappy in their marriages. And, 85% of people 
who reported being either unhappy or very unhappy and stayed in that 
marriage, five years later were tested and reported being either happy 
or very happy. Now, what’s the punchline? Stick around. Because, the 
emotions may take care of themselves, but the feelings are valid. 
 
BARBARA ROSBERG: You could walk. You have a choice. But will you 
ever get away from your mate? Ask any divorced person, and they will 
say, “Absolutely not.” Every birthday, you will be tied to one another. 
Every anniversary. Every wedding. And let us tell you, with every 
 
grandchild, you’ve got soul ties with the person you shared a wedding 
cake with. You never fully get away from the person you divorce. You 
may think the grass is greener on the other side, but let me tell you, 
the grass is greener where you water it.  
 
Why not begin today, by pulling back and watering your own grass. In 
fact, if you look down under your feet, you might see more dirt than 
grass. Why not today begin throwing some seed, fertilizing it, and 
taking care of what you’ve got? That way, at the end of your days, you 
will have no regrets. 
 
 
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