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iQuestions Faculty, Dr. Kevin Leman 
 
 
Question: 
 
How do I get my child to stay in bed? Is it a problem that he wants to 
get in bed with my husband and I? 
 
Answer:  
 
I love that question. I’ll tell you why. Because I think that kind of a 
question really tests the metal of a parent.  
 
Now, let’s be a three-year-old. Everybody be a three-year-old for just 
a second. Now, you have a choice. Do you want to stay in your bed, 
your little bed, all by yourself? I know you’ve got your blankie and 
your teddy, and all of that. That’s one option. The other option is to be 
next to a warm body or two. What would you like, if you were three? 
Do you see the problem?  
 
Now, one of my theories is this: you don’t start habits with children 
that you don’t want to see continue throughout their graduate school 
education.  
 
What happens is, for a number of reasons, we’ll pick up little Buford or 
Fletcher, and we’ll let them come into our bed. Well, once that process 
starts, now we’ve put precedent into that child’s life, and he’s going to 
take advantage of that. 
 
So, the question is, again, how do you keep them out of your bed an 
in their own bed? 
 
Now, I have to tell you this. There are experts who believe in the 
“family bed”—you know, three, four, five children in your bed. 
 
 
Personally, it’s hard enough to fool around with my wife—I call her 
“the Baptist”—with no kids in bed. Put two or three little ankle-biters in 
there, and there’s no chance. I think the healthiest way to do it, 
seriously, is to make sure the child has his own bedroom, his own bed. 
There’s something healthy about that. Just like parents need their own 
bed. 
 
So, one of the simple things you can do is lock your bedroom door at 
night. Now, I’m telling you. Kids are persistent. They’ll come, and 
they’ll knock on the door, and they’ll give you their Grammy-winning 
performance, you know, complete with maybe a temper tantrum. But 
if you just don’t respond to the child, he or she will fall asleep—right 
there at the door, in all probability. When you get up in the morning, 
you better be careful you don’t step on their spleen. Okay? 
 
That’s one of the things you can do, is just lock your bedroom door. 
 
 
 
 
Leman -2- 
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