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iQuestions Faculty, Kevin Leman 
 
 
Question: 
 
How do I stick to my guns with a charming, fun-loving child who 
manipulates me...when he’s being disciplined? 
 
Answer:  
 
Guess who’s the most likely child in the family to be that manipulative, 
charming little sucker; the one who could sell dead rats for a living as 
an adult? You’re right: the baby of the family.  
 
You know, kids will be manipulative, charming, social, and they’re so 
darn cute. Again, you push for twelve hours, ladies. I understand. You 
love ‘em, and they look like you, or they look like your father or your 
mother.   
 
I mean, I’ve got five kids. I know what it’s like. I’d lay down my very 
life so they could live. Now, but if you love your kids, you’d discipline 
them. And these kids, I tell ‘ya—here’s the problem. They know all 
your soft spots. They know your weak spots. And you need to stick to 
your guns.  
 
What does that mean? It means if you tell them you are going to do 
something, you must follow through. Here’s the problem. For most 
parents, we say things without thinking. So, don’t get yourself in a 
corner. Something comes up. There’s a situation you’re unhappy with. 
You say, “You know. I’m going to talk to your dad about it.” Or, “I’m 
going to think about it.” Maybe you’re a single parent and going it 
alone. Or maybe you want to ask your girl friend about it, or your dad. 
But you’re going to come to a consensus. You’re going to come to an 
 
opinion, and there’s going to be some discipline. And once you say it’s 
going to happen, again, you’re going to follow through on it. 
 
Now, once you make that fatal mistake of saying it’s going to happen 
and don’t, you’ve set a precedent for the child. And again, he knows 
your weak spots. He’ll work you. And kids will cry. They’ll plead. They’ll 
do anything.  You know, something like they forget to do the lawn, 
let’s say. And unfortunately for you, you’re having people over for 
dinner. And he’s found himself a ballgame in the neighborhood or 
whatever. And you come home from your job and you’re trying to get 
the barbeque on. And you say, “Oh, my goodness, the grass isn’t cut.” 
So, what do you do? You go next door. Hire the kid next door. Give 
him a few bucks for cutting the lawn. And guess where the money 
comes from? Your son’s allowance. You’re holding him accountable.  
 
Now, the kicker is this. He’s already made plans, and you blessed it for 
that night for him to go to his buddy’s house and spend the night. 
Now, he hasn’t cut the lawn. Okay? You brought it up. He apologized, 
“I’m sorry, Mom.” That’s fine. But now, he says, “Come on, Mom. 
We’ve got to go.”  
 
“Go where?”  
 
“Hello? Earth to Mom. I’ve got to be at John’s house in a little while.”  
 
“Honey, the car’s not going anywhere and neither are you.”  
 
Now, you’re going to have an explosion right there on your hands. But 
now you have a teachable moment. And here’s a teachable moment. 
“Honey, you’re not going anywhere tonight. I don’t feel like driving you 
anywhere tonight, because I’m really upset I had to go across the 
street and hire Richard to come and do this yard-work. And on top of 
that it cost me a few bucks, which will be deducted from your 
allowance.”  
Leman -2- 
 
 
That’s reality discipline. That’s sticking to your guns. Will your child 
like that? No. Will they love you? Yes.  Be a good teacher. Stand up 
and don’t ever be afraid to be a parent. 
Leman -3- 
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