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iQuestions Faculty, Dr. Kevin Leman 
 
 
Question: 
 
As a mother of toddlers, how do I find time for myself? Let alone time 
for my husband and I? 
 
Answer:  
 
You know, having a child is a little bit like a mother salmon swimming 
upstream. And there she is on her side; gasping for her last breath of 
air and ten strangers show up and say, “Just one more push, Honey! 
Just one more push! You’re almost there.” And all of a sudden, that 
little 19 ½ incher is laid across your breast. Welcome to the world of 
motherhood.  
 
You know, going full term with a baby, pushing for all those hours is 
absolutely exhausting. It would be great if it just ended there. But I’ve 
got news for you. Kids are hedonistic little suckers. And when they’re 
born, all they care about is what? They want to be fed, they want to be 
dry, they like to be held, and they love any kind of tactile stimulation. 
 
Well, you put a couple of kids in there, like you have, and oh my 
goodness, you’re exhausted. You’re too pooped to whoop. Well, yeah, 
you need to find time for yourself. And you need to find time for you 
and your spouse. I always try to tell couples that sooner or later, 
they’re going to leave the nest, and children ought to be a little bit like 
Avis Rent-a-Car, quite frankly. Number two, and trying harder. Mom 
and Dad have to take time for themselves. You need time to be a 
couple. And that means that you’re going to have to be lucky enough 
to have grandma and grandpa in the neighborhood. They’re great 
babysitters. Or you’re going to have to fork out the pesos to get 
yourself a babysitter. Or maybe you’re like a lot of other young 
 
families I know who form a co-op, which I think is a wonderful idea. 
That is, you find three or four other families where you’ll swap off and 
you say, “Hey, listen. We’ll watch your kids on Tuesday and Thursday, 
if you’ll watch ours on Monday and Wednesday. 
 
So, you do need time for yourself. Every woman needs time for 
herself. I call women “Velcro women,” because everybody wants a 
piece of them. Your wife, gentlemen, when she comes home from 
work; you know what she needs? She needs a wife to meet her at the 
door with a list of things that are done. You need help from the 
bullpen. That’s where us men come in; that’s where older kids come in 
who can help. So, exhaustion is a big obstacle for many a woman.  
 
Here’s this woman who feel in love with this man. She’s attracted to 
him physically, emotionally, sexually and she finds herself too pooped 
to whoop. No wonder. Kids are draining. They will drain everything out 
of you. 
 
So, I’m saying you have to make time for yourself. We’re all given 
time. It’s how you manage that time. Whether it means going to the 
gym and working out, or maybe just something as innocuous as going 
shopping or grocery shopping, or something as mundane as laundry. 
Every woman needs time out for herself.  
 
But ladies, you have to take charge of that responsibility. You have to 
make that happen. In today’s busy life, there’s ways of doing that. You 
find yourself a friend or two and form that co-op. You’ll see a 
difference in your attitude, not only toward your children, but toward 
your husband, as well.  
 
Leman -2- 
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