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iQuestions Faculty, Dr. Gary & Barbara Rosberg 
 
 
Question: 
 
I'm struggling with changing from soldier and warrior, to a husband 
and father. How can I transition? 
 
Answer: 
 
DR. GARY ROSBERG: Husband, father, soldier, warrior. You have worn 
a lot of hats. And you’ve been deployed—whether it’s Afghanistan, 
Iraq, or somewhere around this great country or this great world. But 
now you’re home. And there’s a lot of things you’ve got to unpack. 
 
BARBARA ROSBERG: And, I don’t know a woman who doesn’t want 
her husband to be that protection, to provide, to be that covering, 
because, that’s when we feel more safe and secure. So, at the same 
time, you are still protecting the family. But, the way in which you 
treat a wife, it has to be with the glove of tenderness, of compassion, 
through comfort, through being willing to step in and learn and listen 
to her wiring. So, it’s a completely different battlefield than the one 
that you’ve been fighting. 
 
GARY: You know, Barb and I were on a plane recently, and talked to a 
couple of soldiers that had been in Iraq. And they had been home for 
about six months, and they were on their way back to Iraq. And I said, 
“How do you cope with that?” And they said, one of the hardest things 
is that they live at such a feverish pitch—because the adrenaline is 
always pumping over there—any sound, any noise, any sudden 
movement, and they kick in to a reactionary mode. 
 
Well, when you come home guys, and you hear a door slam, or you 
hear one of the kids screaming, or you wake up in the middle of the 
 
night, reflecting back on something you experienced, you’re going to 
need transition time. That’s what transition is all about. 
 
It’s going to take time. You need to open up. You need to be willing to 
let your wife in. And we know, by coaching military marriages, that 
some couples sit back and say, “You know what, Gary and Barb? We 
haven’t even dealt with it ourselves as a soldier, as a military person, 
let alone letting our spouse in there.” But you know what, guys? 
You’ve got to let them in. Just a little bit at a time. Talk about some of 
the experiences you’ve had. Be willing to let them move close to you. 
To sort through the issues. To love you. To encourage you. Realize this 
thing is going to take a long time to really build healthy transitions. 
 
BARBARA: This is where your wife is truly in her best form. She longs 
to comfort, encourage, and carry you. So, as you open yourself up to 
her, realize that she’s going to be able to pack the weight of what 
she’s hearing, to love you, to learn from you, and to help you decide 
what to do with what you’ve seen and where you’ve been.  Let her be 
a part of the process and the solution. You will indeed be the best 
husband, the best lover of her soul, as you open up and you choose to 
share with your wife. 
 
GARY: So, thank you for serving across the seas. But I’m going to tell 
you something. Thank you for serving at home, as well. 
 
 
 
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