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iQuestions Faculty, Kevin Leman 
 
 
Question: 
 
How do I get my child to help around the house more? 
 
Answer:  
 
Here’s the question of the day: “Are you rearing your kids in a home 
or a hotel?” You know, most people rear their kids in hotels. What do I 
mean by that? I mean, they give them room service, food service, and 
very little is expected of them. Kids need to contribute to the home. 
They need to give back to the home. Every child, from the time they’re 
three on up, can contribute to the family. What can a three-year-old 
do? They can put napkins on a table. They can put some of the 
silverware on the table. There’s a lot of things that the child can do. 
They can feed the dog. They can put water in the dish: those little 
things.  
 
As the kids get older, they need to have bigger and bigger 
responsibilities. And the idea here is to make sure that kids 
understand this principle: that no one member of the family is more 
important than the family. Everybody pitches in. I mean, for people 
who grew up in rural America; at seminars that I give all over the 
country, oh, my goodness. I ask them straight out, “Hey, how many of 
you grew up on a farm?” And I see hands here and there and go, “By 
the way, you’re excused. You can go home if you like. I’m not going to 
teach you much.”  
 
Why? Because on the farm you did what? You worked! You gave back 
to the family. But today, we have parents who are hell-bent for 
election to snow-plow the roads of life for their children, at every turn. 
They want to make sure their kids are happy. And they praise them, 
 
unnecessarily at length, for just little, routine mundane things. Hey, 
kids need to give back to the family.  
 
And what happens is when we see this going on before our very eyes. 
For example, you walk in the room that you left rather trashed and it’s 
all orderly and put back in great shape. What do you say to a child? Do 
you know what most parents do? They go off, “Oh, did you clean this 
up? You’re the best boy in the whole world. Mommy loves you so 
much. Here’s five dollars.” That’s about the worst thing you can do. 
Because that’s praising the child and it’s rewarding the child.  
 
You say, “What’s wrong with that? Isn’t that the society we live in?” 
Yeah, that’s part of the problem. But we need to be an encouragement 
to the child. For example, same situation; walk in. There’s the room 
that was trashed. It’s now put back in order. And you expected to face 
that, because you were the one who made the mess; because you had 
to run to an appointment.  What’s an appropriate thing to say to a kid? 
“Honey, did you clean this up?”  
 
“Sure did, Mom.”  
 
“Oh, thank you. What a nice thing to do. I appreciate your effort.”  
 
Now, the take-away for your son, the take-away for you daughter is 
completely different depending on how you respond to that situation. 
So, you want to be an encouragement to your child. The kid takes 
away that mom or dad recognizes: “I did something.” There’s your 
self-worth.  
 
If you’re one of those parents out there seeking the secret formula to 
your child feeling good about himself; I’ll give it to you real straight. 
Make sure your kids work their little tail off around the house and give 
back to the family. If they do that, they won’t be sitting on Dr. Phil’s 
knee someday.  
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