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iQuestions Faculty, Dr. Kevin Leman 
 
 
Question: 
 
My-eight-year old wants a pony. What do I do? 
 
Answer:  
 
Hey, what kid wouldn’t want a pony? But, I’ve been trying to tell 
parents for years, “You know something, parents? You’ve got to get 
good at responding rather than just reacting.”  
 
You know how the eight-year-old comes in and says, “Mommy, I want 
a pony. Can I get a pony?” What do most parents say? “A pony? 
Where’d you get that one from? What are you, stupid? We can’t have a 
pony! We live in a two-bedroom apartment in the city, we can’t have a 
pony. Where do you get these ideas from, anyway?” 
 
You know, as terrible as that sounds, that’s how a lot of parents come 
across to their kids. I’m just telling you, rather than react, you might 
be able to respond. “Well, O bright psychologist, author of thirty 
books, what should I do?”  
 
Try this one: “A pony? Can you imagine having your own pony? 
Getting up in the morning, getting on your little pony, riding a little 
pony all the way to school. The kids are watching you go down the 
street on your pony”—you know, just give them a little high five—
“you’re riding that pony all the way down to school. You get down 
there you tie up your little pony, go in for the school day, come out at 
noon to make sure he’s got enough oats and enough water. Wouldn’t 
that be great to have your own pony?” And he says, “But we live in the 
city and we can’t have a pony here.” 
 
 
 
What I’m saying is, you can grant in fantasy to your child what you 
can’t in reality. Let the kid figure it out, that we live a two-bedroom 
apartment in the city and we can’t have a pony. Every little boy who 
grows up, I think, wants something like a pony, something very 
special. Hey, let them dream it, let them think it. There’s no harm in 
that. 
 
Remember, the principle is, grant in fantasy what you can’t in reality. 
It works. And it keeps the lines of communication open between you 
and your child, and that’s what you want. 
 
 
Leman -2- 
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