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iQuestions Faculty, Dr. Kevin Leman 
 
 
Question: 
 
Is there anything we should know about raising a healthy only child? 
 
Answer:  
 
Well, first of all the good news about only children. I always say, “If 
you want a job done right, you hire the only child.” 
 
You know what’s fun about middle children? By age seven, they’re 
little adults. You go down to the elementary school and watch all the 
little kids line up for the milk, and you look down the line and one of 
the kids has an attaché case in his hand? You’ve met the only child. 
Inside that attaché case is a little book, James Michener: Hawaii. 
 
You know what I’m saying? These kids are advanced, they’re 
precocious, and they’re very plugged into the adults. They’re the 
triangle. 
 
I had an only child tell me with a straight face that “we” were going 
out and celebrating “our” anniversary. Do you understand what I’m 
saying? The kid is saying, “We are going out and celebrating our 
anniversary.” That’s how tight only children are with their parents. 
 
Only children are super reliable, conscientious. They love playing by 
themselves in a room. Parents for years brought me their only 
children: “Oh, Dr. Leman, we’re so concerned about little Melissa. We 
try to encourage her to call up her friends, but she’s such a loner. We 
just fear that she’s going to be a loner in life.” 
 
 
 
“Well, tell me about the other children in the family.” 
 
“Well, there’s no other children in the family. She’s an only child.” 
 
“Case dismissed. You go home. Go sin no more.” 
 
That’s how only children are! You know, they love crossword puzzles. I 
fly on the airplane all the time, and I see somebody get USA Today out 
and look at the crossword puzzle and start doing it, I make two 
assumptions about them: they are an only child, or the firstborn of 
their sex in the family.  
 
Now, what is it about crossword puzzles that would speak to an only 
child, for example? They love figuring things out. Books are some of 
their best friends, because they love words. Do you see what I’m 
saying? 
 
So, what you need to make sure you do is don’t give the only child too 
much responsibility. That’s one of the things that parents do. They 
think the child is so adult-like, that they tell him too much, and they 
push him too much ahead.  
 
There’s something wonderful about holding a kid back. I know that 
sounds un-American, but there’s something great about keeping kids 
at grade-level, for example.  
 
And many only children are gifted. You tell me who the best golfer in 
the world is. Did you just say Tiger Woods? You’re right. He’s an only 
child. In the business world, T. Boone Pickens and Carl Icahn—two of 
America’s foremost corporate raiders—both only children. My good 
friend Dr. James Dobson, who is probably the most famous 
psychologist in the whole world, is an only child. When Jim does 
something, he does things right. 
 
Leman -2- 
 
 
Maybe some of you have heard me over the years on Focus on the 
Family. You ever hear me on there? I’m downright articulate. 
Articulate! I mean, it’s like, “Fourscore and seven years ago. . . .” 
 
Why? Because if I’m in the studio with Jim, and I stumble on a word or 
something, he says, “Uh, Kevin, would you just say it over again?” and 
he pushes his little magic button there, and the tape rewinds, and I 
come out like President Lincoln.  
 
So, only children have a great sense of direction. They know where 
they’re going. They’re self-motivated.  
 
If you’ve got an only child at home who’s a veracious reader, and they 
don’t do well in school—I’m telling you, you see a lot of this with only 
children—not to worry, not to worry. If your kid’s a veracious reader, 
stop worrying about their education right now.  
 
And don’t hover over them and ask them to bloom. Give them more 
independence, express the belief that they can do it, and guess what? 
In time, they will.  
 
 
 
 
Leman -3- 
To download a printable version of this transcript, click here.