To download a printable version of this transcript, click here.
 
iQuestions Faculty, Dr. Gary & Barbara Rosberg 
 
 
Question: 
 
The skills I’ve been taught to use in the field are not the same skills I 
need at home. How can I move closer to my spouse and children when 
all they see is the military front?  
 
Answer: 
 
DR. GARY ROSBERG: You know, deployment is hard. And relationships 
are hard. And we know a lot of the things that you’ve learned in the 
military, are skills that you will bring home. But, there are some that 
you need to unpack, to enhance your relationship and allow you to 
move closer to your wife and kids.  
 
You know, Barb, a couple weeks ago, we were on a plane and there 
were a couple of young men; they’d been in Iraq. They’d been here for 
six months and they were headed back over. And I spent about an 
hour just listening to these guys, and I’m unpacking some of the 
experiences that they had. And one of the questions I asked them 
was, “How did you cope over there?” and they said, “Gary, our 
adrenaline was cooking through our system 24/7.” They were always 
at a feverish pitch. And so, any time a noise would happen, or a door 
would slam, or any type of provocation, they were ready. I mean, they 
were ready to grab a weapon. 
 
Well, when you come home, you still are on alert status. And those 
skills can many times be great in the field, but when you get home, 
you’ve got to learn to put them aside as you become a parent and a 
spouse. 
 
 
BARBARA ROSBERG: That makes sense. When you’re on the military 
front, you’re working from your head, but as you return to the home 
front, it requires us, as men and women alike, to work from our heart. 
Our children long to know; our mates long to be able to connect to the 
heart. So that we know that mother’s and father’s hearts are warm, 
are close to the touch, are tender, and there are no wounds or scars in 
the way that are creating a hard heart. We need to be soft, tender, 
and open. So, as we begin with the end in mind, “Are you open and 
tender with your children and your mate? What are you doing to tear 
down the walls that are between you—brick by brick?”  
 
You need to instead take those bricks and build a wall of protection 
around your marriage and family. So that the enemy will not come in 
and divide your home, whatever the issues are. But that you will allow 
the enemy to stay on the outside of your home and your family, so 
that your children and your wives will not be preyed upon. I ask you as 
fathers to truly come and kneel before your children. Tuck them in at 
night. Pray for them, so again, they will not be preyed upon.  
Page -2- 
To download a printable version of this transcript, click here.