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iQuestions Faculty, Dr. Kevin Leman 
 
 
Question: 
 
What do we do when my husband’s parents allow our children to do 
things that we don’t approve of? 
 
Answer:  
 
Well, first of all, if somebody’s going to talk turkey to your husband’s 
parents; it should be who? Your husband! Now, a couple of things 
about grandparents, in general. Grandparents, I think, need to be 
granted license. That is to say; they don’t have to do everything the 
way you think it ought to be done. In other words, your teen at your 
house might get one treat before you go to bed at night. At grandma’s 
house it might be four treats.  
 
What I’ve learned in thirty-some years of working with families is this: 
kids know the difference between grandma’s house and your home; 
their home. That’s point number one. 
 
Point number two: if grandparents allow the kids to do things that are 
absolutely morally wrong; absolutely against the family standards; 
religious beliefs, et cetera, then yes, you have to go face-to-face with 
grandma and grandpa and get their cooperation.  
 
I say, “win their cooperation” because you don’t want to come in there 
and create a bigger hassle than might already have developed. You 
just want to say; “Listen, we want you to respect our wishes. This is 
how we’ve chosen to rear our kids and we want and need you to 
respect those wishes.” 
 
 
If they don’t, then you may have to make the decision that the 
Lemans did a few years ago. We had some family members whose 
idea of celebrating Easter was sitting around getting drunk. I 
remember having a conversation with my wife, and said, “Honey, do 
you really want to continue to do this?” and she said, “No.” We 
changed the way we celebrated Easter afternoon with those relatives. 
 
So, yes, you have to take a stand. There’s a time to take a stand, but 
I would just urge you to cut some slack for grandma and grandpa. 
When you get to that stage in life you’ll understand why that 
recommendation is made.   
 
 
Leman -2- 
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