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iQuestions Faculty, Dr. Gary & Barbara Rosberg 
 
 
Question: 
 
Men and women are so different. How can we learn to better 
understand one another?  
 
Answer: 
 
DR. GARY ROSBERG: Men and women are indeed different. And you 
know what, Barb? I think men and women have been experiencing 
those differences for generations. 
 
BARBARA ROSBERG: And so often, we look at those differences, and 
we’re afraid of them. We think it’s something to be feared. Or maybe, 
you’ve even gotten to the point where your husband’s acting like a 
man, and you’re receiving it like a woman and you’re scared to death. 
Because, you weren’t prepared for what you just found out. Well, let’s 
stand all the way back, and realize, it’s meant to be. We’re supposed 
to be different than one another.  
 
GARY: In fact, a few years ago, we did a survey and talked to 100 
couples around the country. We asked them what they needed from 
each other; as different as we are; in order to experience their love 
needs. And Barb, we got an earful when we talked to those folks. 
 
BARBARA: Who doesn’t want a great marriage? Every single person 
who responded said, “If my mate understood my greatest love needs, 
and met them, we could have a great marriage”. So, one of those 
needs that we learned about was . . .? 
 
 
GARY: Encouragement. Both men and women reported; given sixty 
different opportunities to respond; that encouragement is a huge 
need. But, we experience it and we express it differently. 
 
BARBARA: We do. It literally means “to give courage”. And when you 
think about your marriage, and you come home weary and tired, and 
maybe your boss has said some words that have really deflated you; 
think about it. When your mate; who knows you the most; steps close 
and gives you their courage—well, for a woman, it feels like a hug. It 
feels like, “Sweetheart, you can cry on my shoulder. I want to listen to 
you. What do you need from me? Do you want me just to hold you? 
Do you want me to listen?” Because, I don’t know a woman that 
doesn’t need to process it, and be able to drain the pain. 
 
GARY: And guys are getting beat up all the time. And as we age, as 
we go through changes, we are competitive, and other guys are 
coming in and wanting to take our role. I love to coach guys to go to 
your wife, and let her know that you’re struggling with something. Let 
her know that you need to be encouraged. I really challenge wives to 
be alert to their husband. To look for opportunities where she can step 
close to him, and remind him that she’s crazy about him. That she 
loves him; that she is a one-man kind of woman. We need that 
encouragement. And we also need to boundary it in the workplace and 
with other gals, and we need to guard our hearts so that our 
relationship doesn’t become at risk. 
 
BARBARA: And, if your husband gets to that level of really opening up 
and sharing with you, one thing you’ve taught me so beautifully 
throughout the years is this: don’t go tell your girlfriends. Even when 
you get to this point of where he is sharing and open, this is meant for 
you, and you alone. Steward that with a boundary. Treat it as a 
precious treasure, and really guard and protect your husband. 
 
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GARY: So, are we different as men and women? Yeah, we’re different. 
And, it’s a good thing! We encourage you to celebrate the differences. 
Don’t expect your mate to be just like you, but allow the relationship 
to grow around those differences. So that ultimately, really what 
you’re doing is you’re mutually completely one another. 
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