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iQuestions Faculty, Dr. Gary & Barbara Rosberg 
 
 
Question: 
 
We strive to have a 50/50 marriage, and make sure everything is 
equal. That’s the most fair, isn’t it? 
 
Answer: 
 
DR. GARY ROSBERG: You know, the question of 50-50 relationships is 
a question I think that couples have been, maybe under the 
misconception that works, for years and years and years. 
 
BARBARA ROSBERG: Well, I want to know what your answer is, 
because I’ve got an answer as well. 
 
ROSBERG: You know, sweetheart, a few years ago, a friend of ours 
got engaged, and they were sitting in a restaurant, and the guy had 
just popped the question. And, some older ladies were sitting there 
watching them, and they were all kind of “ooing and cooing,” and went 
over afterwards, and one of the gals gave some advice. She said, 
“Honey, I’ve been married for 30 years, and what you want is a 50-50 
relationship.” The other gal kind of looked at her, and they walked out 
of the restaurant, and when they told us that, we said, “You know, we 
don’t think a 50-50 relationship really works very well, because people 
who have 50-50 relationships are typically pretty lousy score keepers.” 
When one person’s doing 49, and the other says, “Well, I’m only going 
to do 38 or 47,” this relationship begins to erode. 
 
BARBARA: Well, think about it. It’s rooted in control. “Who’s in charge? 
Who’s getting the dividends?”  “Well, if I did this; if I washed the 
dishes, cleaned up the laundry, and cleaned up the stove; then you’ve 
got to do all of that.”  You know, you never get beyond to a freedom of 
 
giving. There is such a blessing in giving. When you can just love with 
a free heart; when you can give to your mate, and you know that you 
are loving him, because he is all of the man that you want, that gives 
him the opportunity to respond and want to be loving to you, as well. 
 
GARY: So, one of the things we suggest is not a 50-50 relationship, 
but really a 100-100 relationship. Because, when the husband is 
reaching out and he is saying, “Honey, I want to out-serve you,” and 
he is encouraging her, and she is responding to that. And, she is 
wanting to out-serve him, somewhere in the middle you’re going to 
have the gap, sometimes you’re going to come up short, sometimes 
there’ll be hurt and disappointment and discouragement…  
 
BARBARA: And there will be times when people might think, “What if 
he never gets to the point of carrying his load or doing the other half 
of what I need him to do?” 
 
GARY: You’re not talking about me, are you? 
 
BARBARA: No, I’m not. But there have been times when I know you’ve 
had to look at me that way. And, there are times when you’ve wished 
that I pulled more of my load. The bottom line is this: if you are doing 
it because of the rightness of it, your inner person is going to be 
changed. You are going to experience more of the fullness and the 
purpose this side of heaven, in experiencing oneness in your marriage. 
True oneness means, you let go of the control, and you love. You pour 
it out. You experience the freedom. And if it impacts you, it’s going to 
impact your marriage, it’s going to impact your mate. Experience 
freedom, let go of the control. 
 
GARY: So, 50-50? Throw it out. Try 100-100 and you might just meet 
each other’s needs. 
 
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