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iQuestions Faculty, Dr. Gary & Barbara Rosberg 
 
 
Question: 
 
My wife complains that I don’t pay as much attention to her as I did 
when we were dating. Now that we’re married, do I still have to “date” 
her?  
 
Answer: 
 
DR. GARY ROSBERG: Barb, the dating question. 
 
BARBARA ROSBERG: Ahh. 
 
GARY: Yeah, “Do I still have to date my wife after I’ve won the prize?” 
You know Barb, every guy feels that. Because we pull out all of the 
stops; we tuck in our shirt, we comb our hair, we brush our teeth; in 
order to get the date. And then we do the dating, and then after the 
ring goes on, a lot of guys think that it’s over.  
 
BARBARA: Well, yeah. You’ve won the prize, and “we’re done with 
that.” Well, dating before your marriage has a whole different 
appearance than dating after your marriage. Gary, you’ve described it 
so well. I mean, we all work hard on our hair, and we’re looking to 
wear our best outfit. And, yet imagine this; if your wife is still wanting 
to date you and she has seen you at your very worst; I mean, down to 
the raw and yet she longs to connect—longs to spend time with you. 
And, I think this is her way of saying you are the greatest man in her 
life and she wants you to know that you are her hero. So, we want to 
give you some ideas today on how to do it. Gary, from what we’ve 
learned, a lot of guys are afraid that if they try, they’re going to get 
rejected. And none of us, when we’ve initiated anything, want to get 
rejected. 
 
 
GARY: Well, here’s a couple of ideas for all the guys on dating your 
mate. Number one, plan it. Now, a wife may be sitting back, saying, 
“No, I want it to spontaneous.” Sometimes it can be spontaneous, but 
guys, plan it. Stick it on your Palm Pilot, or on your computer, or 
something to remind you to do it. Because, the consistency is 
important.  The second thing is, sometimes splurge a little bit. I mean, 
you can’t do that often, but just go ahead and splurge every once in a 
while.  
 
BARBARA: Let’s give them some concrete ideas about what “splurging” 
is. 
 
GARY: Well, Barb, it would probably be “bling-bling” jewelry or 
something for you.  
 
BARBARA: Oh, yeah! [laughs] 
 
GARY: But I think if you are dating your mate, and taking the time to 
do it, and you’re being predictable with it, and she knows that it’s 
coming, she’ll feel secure. She’ll feel more encouraged. It’s a good 
thing to do. 
 
BARBARA: You know, anything to do with anniversaries, Mother’s Day, 
Valentine’s Day—I’m talking the holidays. 
 
GARY: Yeah, don’t miss those, guys. Do not miss those. 
 
BARBARA: Show that you have been intentional. Show that you have 
taken some time to plan a day or two in advance. Show that it took 
effort. These are high A’s in scoring for a woman. To think that you 
thought in advance. You initiated it, that you planned it, and then it 
took a little bit of work to get there, that really rings the bell for a 
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woman. And I’m telling you, she will think that you are taking her to 
the next level, and connecting and dating in your marriage. 
 
GARY: So, when you make the date, when you go out on the date, 
have fun, do some communication. We’ve even got coaching tips for 
you on that. And listen to one another, encourage each other, and, 
guys, you might even get a good-night kiss at the end of the night. 
 
  
 
 
 
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