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iQuestions Faculty, Dr. Gary & Barbara Rosberg 
 
 
Question: 
 
I’m attracted to someone else, but I’m not involved physically. Is this 
wrong?  
 
Answer: 
 
DR. GARY ROSBERG: This is a very vulnerable and a very transparent 
question—and it’s one that most of us have probably experienced at 
some time, in our relationships. But, I’m going to tell you something, 
when people come in to my counseling room and ask that question, 
that “I’m emotionally attracted to another person; nothing physical 
has happened; Am I at risk?” I always say, “Yes.” 
 
BARBARA ROSBERG: Whenever you feel that you’re getting more 
comfort from someone outside of your marriage, instead of your mate, 
they could be cheating your mate out of those intimate details—the 
emotional connection that your mate is longing for and needing from 
you, at the end of the day.  
 
GARY: So, the most important thing you can do is be vigilant. You 
need to guard the heart of your marriage. You need to be wise about 
anybody that’s in your circle of surroundings that could cause a risk to 
your marriage relationship.  I know guys that will talk about their mate 
when they’re around other women, just so other woman see there’s a 
boundary around there. You have a picture out on your desk, or you 
be sure you’re communicating the importance of your marriage and 
your family to your friends. 
 
We all want to be flattered. But I want to tell you something: when we 
cave in to that flattering, a number of things can happen. Number one 
 
is it can take you farther than you want to go, and it can keep you 
longer than you wanted to stay. Also, a physical affair always starts off 
with the emotional stuff. And, is it storing something in you? Yeah. 
And that may be because you’re not paying attention to the home 
fires; really spending time stirring up those fires between you and your 
mate.  A relationship is a terrible thing to waste. What starts off as 
small can grow very, very quickly. So, be on your guard. Be willing to 
allow other people to ask, “How are you handling that relationship?” 
 
Be vigilant, be intentional, be purposeful, and always make sure that 
you are honest with your mate. Share with them any temptation that’s 
come up. Now, you may have a bad day if you do that. That’s going to 
be a rugged discussion. But I tell you, it’s better to have a rugged 
discussion than a blown-out relationship, at the end of the day. 
 
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