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iQuestions Faculty, Dr. Gary & Barbara Rosberg 
 
 
Question: 
 
Are there certain topics about my spouse that should be off limits 
when I talk to my friends? Where should I draw the line? 
 
Answer: 
 
DR. GARY ROSBERG: I’m really glad that question has come up, 
because it’s an important question. Now, I’m all for guys having 
accountability, mutual encouragement, helping each other, and 
coaching each other. But, there are boundaries in relationships, and 
we need to be very, very sensitive about what we say about our wives.  
 
BARBARA ROSBERG: Accountability, nothing. It could be that you gals 
are out having a good time with your friends. You are just laughing it 
up and there is some real bonding going on. And then somebody 
shares something about their husband and what he did, and we kind of 
laugh. And then someone’s got a little bit better story than that and 
we laugh. And you’re sitting there thinking . . . 
 
GARY: This hasn’t happened to you, has it? 
 
BARBARA: “If you’ve ever been in our home; boy, could I let you in.” 
And next comes the zinger. You’ve said it, you’ve shared it, and you’ve 
thought, “Oh! If my husband heard about this, I would take it all 
back.” Well, if you’re like me, you’ve got to know what the boundaries 
are. You want to have that hem of protection around your marriage. 
So, you never have to have any regrets, so you’re not letting anybody 
in on the inner secrets of your marriage. 
 
 
Today, we’re going to talk about what some of those boundaries are. 
Why? In order to always honor your mate. In order to always respect 
your mate. And here’s another one: to always cover their sins. In fact, 
love covers a multitude of sins. And we all have them. So, let’s talk 
about those boundaries. 
 
GARY: Well Barb, the boundaries are important. Number one: don’t 
ever embarrass your mate. That’s the most important thing. 
 
BARBARA: Even for a good laugh. 
 
GARY: Well, especially for a good laugh. I know, as a man, I’ve done 
that. Secondly, ask permission ahead of time. If you want some 
counseling, or another person’s perspective, that’s great. But, you 
need to do it with your spouse’s permission and their blessing to do it. 
Then come back and tell your spouse what you’ve learned. 
 
I think the third thing Barb, is never shame your mate in front of 
another person. You want to always honor, and cherish, and love, and 
validate your mate. So, we need to be very, very cautious never to 
shame. Never to bring out anything that would be dishonoring. 
Because the next time that person sees your spouse, you know what? 
They’re going to be thinking about what you shared. 
 
BARBARA: Do the gut-check. If you knew that your husband was in 
the room with you, (or your wife), and you’re mentioning something 
that would make them uncomfortable or make them feel shamed, then 
edit it. Absolutely edit it. And if you need God’s help, ask for it. That 
way, when you go home, share your laughter with your mate. Share 
those wonderful times of, “Remember when. . . .” You might even say, 
“Honey, I thought about something we used to do together, and it 
made me laugh so hard, that I thought I’d save it for you.” 
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