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iQuestions Faculty, Dr. Gary & Barbara Rosberg 
 
 
Question: 
 
Everyone is telling me to get a divorce, but I don’t want to give up on 
my marriage. How can I get them to support my decision?  
 
Answer: 
 
DR. GARY ROSBERG: This is a hard, hard question, because when a 
couple is in a deep amount of pain; you know what? People will come 
out of the woodwork to tell you what they think. Now, sometimes, 
they’re working through their own experience. They’re working 
through their own history. So, ladies, if a girlfriend at work is saying to 
you, “I wouldn’t put up with that. I’d walk away from that marriage.” 
Or if a mom or a dad call, and they say, “You’ve been deeply wounded 
by a husband, or by a wife, and I want to defend you. I want to stand 
up for you. Get out of that marriage relationship.” You have to keep a 
couple of things in mind. 
 
First of all, they’re trying to defend you. They’re trying to love you. 
They’re trying to encourage you. Their intent, invariably, I think, is 
probably pretty good. But there’s a second thing here. They are often 
working through their own pain. 
 
What we need to do is we need to be very wise when we’re talking to 
somebody that’s in marital stress. Because if a divorce is looming, we 
need to realize, divorce is contagious. I know when I’m counseling 
couples going through this, I always ask, “Who else is going through a 
divorce? Is another person experiencing divorce?” And invariably, 
people say, “Yeah, a cousin, or a sister, or a mom and dad.” So, we 
have to realize the filter that we’re speaking through.  
 
 
And then secondly; weigh our words, because often if that marriage 
does turn to work out, you know what? You’ve got to learn how to 
integrate that experience with that couple. 
 
BARBARA ROSBERG: We are so glad you asked this question. I’m 
encouraging you to do a gut-check. If you have that fire burning in 
your gut, and you’re willing to stand for this marriage, then take my 
courage, and let me deposit it in you. Stand for your marriage. 
 
All you need is one friend that will support you; one friend that will 
love you, one friend that will pray for you, one friend that you can call 
in the middle of the night. Yes, indeed, this is your middle-of-the-night 
friend. And you can cry, and weep, and you can share the rawest part 
of your person. It is this kind of person that will be willing to walk 
through the trenches with you to the other side. Indeed, there is a 
beginning, there is middle, and there is an end to this season of your 
life. You know it’s not the first day, and you know it’s not the last. 
You’re somewhere in between. 
 
Take our words of hope and let it land in your heart. You need 
someone to walk through it with you, someone that will stand for your 
marriage, someone to land in your heart, someone that will pray for 
your mate, someone that will be your friend. There is nothing like a 
friend; a brother in the night, a sister in the night. Now, all I’m asking 
you to do is find that friend, and walk together.  
 
 
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