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iQuestions Faculty, Pat Gelsinger 
 
 
Question: 
 
My spouse is a workaholic, what can I do about that? 
 
Answer:  
 
So, your spouse is a workaholic. Boy, I’ve heard that story before. 
Some people even call me a workaholic.  
 
I’ll share a few thoughts that might be helpful on this. One is, “How do 
you have the conversation with your spouse about that?” Think very 
carefully about it. Come to them in a humble way, in an appealing 
way, and be ready to talk about it. Think hard about it, before you 
come to that conversation, to push the emotion aside—because those 
types of conversations can get out of control very quickly, and instead 
of being a productive conversation on the subject, all of a sudden it 
blows up into an argument, where you’re just letting them think that 
you don’t care about the hard work that they’re doing, or how they 
might be providing and helping for the family. So, think carefully about 
it, and try to put the emotions aside.  
 
Also, try to set clear expectations. What is it that you think is the right 
level of work, time, et cetera? Do you have some constructive ideas 
about how your spouse might still be able to believe that you value 
their career? 
 
Here are some good ideas for how you might keep those things in 
balance. Here are some ways that you might find ways to work hard.  
 
 
 
Maybe start earlier in the morning. Maybe there are other ways that 
could be more productive. Maybe there are some ways you could help 
them to be more successful in their career, as well. 
 
Another thing you might do: have a conversation with some of their 
close friends. Maybe their fishing buddies. Maybe other people that 
they interact with. Talk with them in a very careful way—because 
sometimes that subject, having encouragement from some of their 
close friends, his or her partners and people that they work with, those 
conversations might be more helpful coming from their partner than 
from you as their spouse. And that might be a safer way to introduce 
that subject. 
 
Ultimately, you have to work through this. You can’t let this be a root 
of bitterness between the two of you. You have to come to an 
understanding, talk about it, and work at it.  
 
This is something that Linda—my wife—and I probably talked about 
maybe every year for twenty years. It’s a conversation of our lives 
today.  
 
But it’s important that you have that conversation, and that it 
becomes more productive, and you get to the point where you both 
feel good about that level of work, that level of career success, that 
level that they’re investing on a regular basis. It’s hard, but if you do it 
well, it can be a very productive conversation. 
 
Gelsinger -2- 
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