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iQuestions Faculty, Bishop Wellington Boone 
 
 
Question: 
 
My husband wasn't honest with me about his relationships prior to our 
marriage. Now that I know, he says he didn't want to upset me over 
nothing. But, I'm left wondering…has he lied about anything else? 
 
Answer:  
 
Sometimes, after we’re married, we discover some things that can be 
very bewildering—like, we discover that a husband had a relationship 
with someone that the wife didn’t know about, and they discovered it 
later on.  
 
I’m really moved when things like that happen, particularly because 
the relationship is built upon integrity—meaning, that the issue is, the 
husband is honest with the wife, and the wife is honest with the 
husband, and they tell each other everything, hopefully.  
 
But the truth of the matter is, you usually try to show each other the 
best side. Now, it’s a great risk when a husband keeps something like 
that from a wife. Why? Because she’s earned the right to know the 
truth about him, and to know complete situations of things that could 
be damaging later on.  
 
And when she finds it out, I believe it’s important, number one, to go 
right to him, and want him to fess up. Now, I would hope that he 
would tell the truth—meaning, “This is what it was, here’s what 
happened. I am so sorry.” I mean, I hope that he would go low. And 
where he doesn’t, she is going to be challenged with believing that 
that relationship can be strong, or that this might happen again—or 
 
that you (husband) don’t want in a relationship. Why? Because, we’re 
thinking, this is forever, this is long-term, this is in the marriage vows.  
 
What can you do to deal with this? Number one, I believe it’s very 
important that you say to him what your heart is about—not just the 
issue of accusation, but the issue of pouring out your heart, so that 
deep reaches deep—meaning that in a relationship, it’s heart-to-heart. 
It’s really not head-to-head. What you found out was informational, 
but it hurt you in your deepest-most being.  
 
So, tell him how it hurt; “Honey, my heart was broken. Honey, I was 
disappointed inside. Honey, it affects my thoughts during the day.” 
 
Secondly, you say, “I want to trust you.” In other words, instead of 
saying, “I don’t trust you.” When you say, “I want to trust you,” you’re 
doing two things. Number one, you’re showing him, or you’re saying to 
him, “My trust has been affected,” but secondly, you’re looking for a 
positive end. You’re actually asking him to help you, to build back trust 
inside of you, because you’re basically saying, “I want the relationship 
to be close.” 
 
Number three, you can say to him, “Let’s talk it all the way through.” 
Now, sometimes I don’t advise that, talking it all the way through, 
because we can get kind of messy in the details. But if you feel it’s 
necessary, the way that he could win you back is by opening up and 
sharing with you some of the details—not the details in terms of what 
happened, but the details in terms of, that it once existed, and what 
was there. 
 
Let me just say this: prayer is very important in any relationship. 
When bad things happen, we need God to help us, to restore us back 
to what was really there. I don’t want you to forget that part of it, 
because God is willing to help you in this. One of the great challenges 
Boone -2- 
 
to me in marriage is how we can do it on our own without divine 
intervention. I believe God wants to help you in your marriage.  
 
I want to say one other thing: make the decision that this is not going 
to cost the relationship, in the sense that there would be the possibility 
of divorce. Say you’re going to work it out. What you say gives energy 
to that possibility.  
 
That’s what you want. You don’t division—which is what? Two visions. 
You want unity. You want one vision. You want happiness and love in 
your home. I believe you could have that.  
 
Let’s say one more thing: great marriages are built through 
overcoming challenges, not through the absence of them. You can win 
in this situation, because you have the ability inside you to overcome 
the challenges of a husband who is off season. You can help him get 
back right.  
Boone -3- 
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