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iQuestions Faculty, Michael and Amy Smalley 
 
 
Question: 
 
My boyfriend has had sex, but I am still a virgin. I'm really interested 
in him, but I'd like to marry a man who's a virgin, too. What should I 
do? 
 
Answer: 
 
MICHAEL: It’s really tough if you’re a virgin and you’re dating someone 
that you really care about, and you know that he is not a virgin. That 
is such a powerful question, because you know this is someone you 
are going to spend the rest of your life with, and it seems like some of 
your fear is, “Is that going to cause problems?” 
 
AMY: I don’t think we ever want to say that they cannot be redeemed 
or that that person needs to be tossed from the running.  
 
MICHAEL: If you think you’re going to meet the perfect person that 
has no problems, I’m telling you right now, me included, her included, 
and every single person you know has a history. They have things 
they’re not proud of, things they’re ashamed of, things they wish they 
had done different. 
 
If your criteria is, “I’m going to pick this idea of virginity. He has to be 
a virgin,” let me tell you, there is a high percentage of males and 
females that are not virgins when they get married. You’re shrinking 
your pool of people that you could meet down significantly. 
 
We want you to be gracious and merciful toward someone, and know 
that everyone is going to come into a relationship with baggage, and 
 
 
“Where they are now” is what you should be more worried about, as 
opposed to “Where they have been?” 
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