To download a printable version of this transcript, click here.
 
 
iQuestions Faculty, Michael and Amy Smalley 
 
 
Question: 
 
I have sex, but I still feel really empty inside when it's over. Is this 
normal? 
 
Answer: 
 
MICHAEL: Any time you’ve finished having sex and there is this 
emptiness inside, there are several things happening. 
 
Let me challenge you, if you are in a dating relationship, that is exactly 
why you need to save sex for marriage—because you are not 
committed enough to handle the intimacy that sex creates, so you 
might be feeling guilty and you just know this isn’t what it is supposed 
to be. Or you might be nervously thinking, “Is this person really going 
to stay with me?” 
 
AMY: I think especially for women, we feel empty because we 
sometimes give sex so that we will get love.  
 
MICHAEL: And it doesn’t happen that way. 
 
AMY: No, it doesn’t happen. And I think sometimes the guys may have 
sex and then they feel like, “I should feel more connected, but I really 
don’t, and I feel bad because I basically just used this girl.” 
 
MICHAEL: Now, if you’re married and are having sex, and when it 
finishes, you are feeling empty inside, that dramatically points to the 
relationship. You guys are struggling relationally, and sex isn’t doing 
what it is supposed to—which is to draw you closer together—because 
you have too much conflict outside of the bedroom.  
 
 
 
I can promise you, you start getting that resolved through learning 
how to communicate better and learning how to resolve your conflict, 
then you are not going to feel as empty inside after having sex. 
 
AMY: Use sex as a thermometer for your relationship. If your 
thermometer says, “It is pretty cold. I’m feeling distant,” that is 
basically your wakeup call to say, “You know what? What in the 
relationship needs to be addressed?” 
 
M & A Smalley -2- 
To download a printable version of this transcript, click here.