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iQuestions Faculty, Dr. Tim & Darcy Kimmel 
 
 
Question: 
 
Now that my parents are retired, how can I get them to watch my 
children while still respecting their new-found freedom? 
 
Answer: 
 
TIM KIMMEL: First of all, you need to recognize that when people get 
to the age where they can retire, they’ve worked a long time. They’ve 
had their face to the grindstone. They’re looking forward to some 
chance to relax, to see some things, to spend some of that money 
they saved up, and that’s a good thing, and you want to encourage 
them and not make them feel guilty about that.  
 
But at the same time, this is probably one of the most strategic roles 
they can play in your life, is being a mentor and a pacesetter for your 
kids.  
 
And so, there’s ways to talk to them to help them see that maybe they 
could broaden their horizons on that. 
 
DARCY KIMMEL: One thing you might do is just say, “Hey, Mom and 
Dad, now that we have kids, I really see the value of having you 
around, and I would love for you to be here to lend your maturity, 
your experience, your perspective to our family. We don’t want to tie 
you down, but our kids really enjoy being with you.” 
 
So maybe you could come up with some ways, some suggestions that 
say, “Hey, you know, do you think maybe you could be here on these 
holidays, on the kids’ birthdays? We’ll try to make it easy for you.” 
 
 
 
But the best way to convince them to be around is just to show them 
how much you appreciate them and the value they have to you. 
 
TIM: Let me give you two words you want to use with them. Say, 
“Look. We don’t want you to be symbolic grandparents in our kids’ 
lives. We want you to be substantive grandparents. We want you 
actually play a role that touches their heart, not just their schedule 
and a few high points in your life.” 
 
And let me just weigh in. This is one man’s opinion, but as I look at 
this from the perspective of a baby-boomer, and I think of this 
distorted view of retirement that came over the past forty, fifty 
years—this idea that you hit 65 or whatever, and then you move to a 
gated community, and you just hang out with people your own age, 
and you listen to the music that was popular back when you were in 
high school, and you play golf every day, and you play bridge, and you 
want to make sure you’re at happy hour—I could not think of a crazier 
way to waste the rest of my life. 
 
I realize that that sounds kind of blunt. I don’t mean to stand in 
condemnation. I’m just saying that there’s a generation coming along 
that doesn’t think that way, and I think we’re right in the middle of it. 
We don’t want that kind of a life.  
 
Let me tell you what the statistics are showing. A big study came in 
recently. You know what happens when you retire and you don’t have 
a real good reason for getting up every morning, you don’t have a 
purpose for living? You die. That’s what happens. You die fast.  
 
We’re supposed to live our lives and take big breaths every day and 
make a difference. 
 
 
 
And I’ll tell you what. There’s no greater difference you can make than 
in the grandkids’ life, because you already have a natural affinity to 
them, and they to you. 
 
DARCY: What you need to do is make the assumption that your 
parents want to continue to have a relationship with you and your 
children, and so come up with a compromise that allows them to take 
advantage of this wonderful, new opportunity that retirement affords 
them, and also continue to have a part in your family. 
 
TIM: Listen, we’re Starbucks grandparents. We’re rock-and-roll 
grandparents. We’ll never be like anybody before us, but I just hope 
that you can convince your parents to play a big role, and be that 
Starbucks parent, that rock-and-role parent right in the middle of your 
family, touching the lives of your kids. 
 
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