To download a printable version of this transcript, click here.
 
iQuestions Faculty, Dr. Tim & Darcy Kimmel 
 
 
Question: 
 
I am in the process of adopting a child and am trying to be as 
prepared as possible. What issues I can expect to arise? 
 
Answer: 
 
DARCY KIMMEL: If you’ve clicked on this question, the chances are 
that you are an adoptive parent, or you are pretty far along into the 
process.  
 
And you know, maybe this wasn’t your Plan A. Maybe you thought you 
would have your own natural children—and yet, you have decided you 
would open your heart and your home to adopted children. 
 
And yet, just like having your own child, there are a whole lot of issues 
that maybe you didn’t know you were going to have to deal with. 
 
TIM KIMMEL: You know, what’s interesting about this question is that 
when Darcy and I were married, we were married eight years before 
we had our first child. Now, that wasn’t by design. We were told we 
could not conceive, and so were in the adoption process.  
 
And at that time, there weren’t many options for finding a child, and it 
took a lot longer, so we went through the whole process in getting 
certified, and we learned a lot about it there, and then she conceived 
our first one.  And then we couldn’t conceive again until we were in the 
process again, and she conceived the second one. 
 
But along the way, we tried to take careful notes. You know, you have 
done a wonderful thing for a child. You have picked this child out. We 
 
just get whatever shows up when you give birth to them, but you 
actually chose this child, and on top of that, you want to give this 
child’s life meaning and purpose.  
 
But it is tough. There are attachment issues . . . 
 
DARCY: Right.  
 
One thing you really have to do is examine your heart, and make sure 
that now that you have adopted a child that this was God’s plan for 
you. This was God’s plan for this child. You are not accepting “second-
best.” 
 
And when you do that, then you are able to communicate with that 
child that you are delighted that God chose for them to come into your 
home. 
 
TIM: I’m convinced that God shuts down some wombs because He has 
a child for those parents that was incubated in another womb, but was 
meant for their lap all along. 
 
Or maybe you have a mix of some of your biological children and 
adopted children. Regardless, it’s a wonderful thing you are doing. 
 
But they come sometimes with some scar tissue on them, so you have 
got to be prepared for that. Here is the good news. They have done 
some excellent research on this. There are some fabulous books out 
now and studies done to show you how to make the most of this. And 
adoption agencies are a lot more savvy at preparing you for this. 
 
Just know that along the way, yeah, it can get weary, but you are 
doing a huge, a wonderful thing for this child. 
 
 
DARCY: I think one of the best things that I can tell you as an adoptive 
parent—and maybe you already realize this, but if you haven’t, it can 
be very freeing—that no matter how much you love that child, no 
matter how much of yourself and your family you give to that child, 
they are going to have to struggle through grief and anger and 
abandonment issues. 
 
TIM: Yeah. Don’t take those things personally. 
 
DARCY: Don’t take those things personally. That is just part of their 
journey. And if you realize that, you can help them through it. 
 
And also, celebrate their family of origin, even if you don’t know that 
much about it. Make sure that you help them get informed as much 
about it as possible, because that has a lot to do with their self-
esteem. You need to ask their permission to talk about that in public, 
but make sure you make all of that available to them. 
 
TIM: Now, it’s not uncommon that their family of origin has some very 
unfortunate circumstances attached to it, but we don’t need to play 
those up. These are still people. They gave this child life. Regardless of 
the circumstances around that, we want to make sure that we never 
speak in a disparaging way about where they came from, because this 
is very important to them. 
 
DARCY: And one of the best things you can do is enlist some support, 
and some prayer support, from family members who love you and 
from friends who have been through this, because you have taken on 
a huge responsibility, but one that God is so positive about, and He 
wants to bless you so much. 
 
There is a verse in Psalm 82:3 that says, “Vindicate the weak and the 
fatherless. Do justice to the afflicted and the destitute”—and you have 
done that by adopting your child. 
To download a printable version of this transcript, click here.