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iQuestions Faculty, Dr. Tim & Darcy Kimmel 
 
 
Question: 
 
My husband spanks our kids when they act up. He expects me to do 
the same when he's gone. I don't know if this is the best method. 
What should I do? 
 
Answer: 
 
DARCY KIMMEL: Boy, this conflict in couples is not uncommon, 
because it usually goes back to how we were raised. Either we are 
modeling how we were raised, or we are reacting to the other 
extreme, because we didn’t feel like we were raised correctly when it 
comes to discipline. 
 
TIM KIMMEL: But the problem with, let’s say, the ultimate discipline—
something like spanking—is that not all infractions are the same, and 
not all disciplines work as well. 
 
One thing we found out early on is that it’s good to divide your kids’ 
problems and their infractions into two categories—felonies and 
misdemeanors—just like we do in our civil law. 
 
The felonies are things like they lied, they cheated, they stole. 
Something like that. Those are the ones that you really want to have 
the stronger correction for.  
 
But most of the stuff they do is just misdemeanors. They forgot their 
homework again, or they knocked over the milk again. I mean, that’s 
a nothing. It’s like a parking ticket.  
 
 
 
You have got to deal with them differently, because if you don’t, then 
next thing you know, they are going to start to resent you.  
 
Really, if you are going to choose to spank, it’s only done for a very 
small period of time in their life, when their ability to reason is fairly 
limited. But there are a whole lot of better ways to do it. 
 
DARCY: There are a lot of better ways. Maybe you should deny them a 
wish. You know, something they have been looking forward to. Well, 
take that away from them. That’s probably pretty effective. 
 
TIM: Isolation is another one of them. We have one child who was like 
the Rocky Balboa of the Kimmel family. If you were to spank him, you 
were wasting your time. I mean, it was “not so bad”—he didn’t care. 
But I tell you, if you took him out of social circulation, boy, if you stood 
on his air hose that way, you got his attention. So, that’s another way 
you can do it. 
 
Chores, restitution, plus a percentage. Things like that. 
 
DARCY: Don’t circumvent consequences, too. I think one of the most 
effective ways of disciplining that child, especially as they get older, is 
just let the natural consequences take over. If they are late for school 
consistently, don’t write them an excuse. Let them stay after for 
detention.  
 
TIM: Absolutely. Back up the vice principal or the teacher when they 
have to get on them. Just double-down on it when they come home, 
so they know we are serious about this. 
 
But there’s a lot of ways to correct your kids. You don’t have to get 
wrapped up in that one. Plus, there are other ways that work a whole 
lot better than spanking. 
 
 
 
I guarantee you, if you become a student of your child’s heart, you 
really understand how they are hardwired, you are going to figure out 
the best ways to get their attention, let them know how much you love 
them, but you want them to grow up to be a good person, and you are 
going to redirect them, so that that’s exactly what happens.    
 
 
 
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