To download a printable version of this transcript, click here.
 
 
iQuestions Faculty, Dr. Tim Kimmel 
 
 
Question: 
 
At what point should I start letting my kids make their own decisions 
and living with the consequences? 
 
Answer: 
 
There’s no doubt that as we look around at our culture, there are a lot 
of things to be concerned about as parents. There are a lot of things 
that can lead our kids astray. The internet, television, the influence of 
the media, just life at a street level can be tough.  
 
But you know, there is something we can do that can really set our 
kids to be drawn to those very things or become the real victims of 
those—and that is, cloistering our kids, pulling them away from it and 
raising them in highly safe, controlled environments.  
 
Now, before you think I’ve lost my mind, I want to step back and just 
give you one little principle here.  
 
Picture a rectangle. When our kids are young, that’s what I call the 
age of protection. Our job is to protect our kids. And then we also have 
a dynamic of preparing our kids. Picture this rectangle. Here are our 
kids’ lives: newborn, six, twelve, eighteen. When they are born, they 
can’t make any decisions for themselves. We have to really protect 
them from what they are exposed to and the people they are around 
and what they see on television, and so forth.  
 
But watch this. It gets to six years old, and you start to back that 
down, back it down, back it down. It gets down here to twelve, well, 
you still are making some choices, but you are handing a lot over to 
 
 
them. And then get on out there, and it goes a little bit beyond 
eighteen because you are still financially involved with them, maybe 
with college, but you are bringing them up to speed. It’s like that 
Indianapolis race, that 500. They have a pace car that brings those 
cars up to speed before they give them a green flag.  
 
Now, here’s something that I can guarantee you. If you let your kids 
make some of their own choices, they are going to make some lousy 
ones. Now, if your kids are going to make bad choices, when do you 
want them to make them? While they are under your roof? Or after 
they are out on their own, they are married, and they have 
grandchildren—the kids who are your grandkids, and the stakes are 
higher and the damage is greater? 
 
No, no, no. You want to have them make their mistakes under your 
roof. And one mistake I see a lot of parents are making is they start 
this age protection, and then just maintain it all the way through, until 
the kids finally leave for college. Then they go off to college and they 
buy condoms by the gross and drink beer by the keg. You think, “What 
happened?” Well, we need to bring them up to speed. 
 
Now, when they make mistakes, what do you do? Let the 
consequences run their course. You have either correction, discipline, 
or if they get into trouble, let the trouble work itself through. Let them 
face all those consequences. That’s how they learn. 
 
You see, the job of a parent, an effective parent, a conscientious 
parent, is not to raise a “safe” child, it’s to raise a strong one. You go 
about it completely differently. When you are raising a strong one, you 
are going to help a child live a great life of adventure and set them up 
to change the world. It’s your call. But from our observation, and from 
our own experience, we’ve found that it really pays off big dividends. I 
think, in the long run, that’s what you choose. 
 
 
 
Sure, it’s intimidating, but you can do it. And you know what? It also 
makes it a whole lot more fun raising those kids, because you are 
setting kids up to really take on life. Sometimes, they actually get way 
ahead of the game and real pleasant through those teenage years. 
Trust me. It’s amazing. 
To download a printable version of this transcript, click here.