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iQuestions Faculty, Dr. Tim Kimmel 
 
 
Question: 
 
When my husband and I try to get our kids to do chores we seem to 
just frustrate them. How can we help them take on more responsibility 
around the house? 
 
Answer: 
 
Homes should not be a place were kids just get to pig out, lay around, 
and be indulged. No. It’s an active organism of people who are helping 
one another, lightening each others’ loads, and preparing each other 
for a better future. And chores are part of any home. 
 
The problem is, when you give kids chores, yeah, many times they 
resist them, and then they do get frustrated because sometimes we’re 
putting them in over their head. 
 
I was reading a manual for drill sergeant one time, and I found the 
neatest thing inside that really helped my wife and I get a real handle 
on preparing our kids for chores and making them far more 
responsible. We found that, in this book it said that in any given task 
that you are handing out to somebody, their ability and their maturity 
level could be different, depending on who the person is, and you need 
to study that.  
 
If their maturity or their ability is low, you want to direct them. You 
want to show them how to do the job.  
 
Sometimes, their ability or their maturity is moderate. They have 
some skill on it, and they are coming along in life, and they are pretty 
 
 
responsible. On those, you want to develop them. You want to ask 
them questions: “How would you do this?” 
 
But if their maturity or their ability is high, you want to delegate it. 
Just let them do the job, and let them do it their way. 
 
Now you see how you could exasperate kids?  
 
If you give them a job and they don’t know how to do it, and you don’t 
show them how to do it, they are going to be frustrated. “I don’t know 
how to do this. I’m so confused, I know I’m going to mess this up, and 
then they’re just going to yell at me.” So, that exasperates kids on one 
side. 
 
Or if they do know how to do it, and you keep micromanaging them 
and making them do it your way, that frustrates them, too.  
 
I remember one time I was trying to show our son how to load the 
dishwasher, and I kept putting the plates in, and I said, “Now, what 
you do is you kind of rinse them off and then you put them in there 
like this,” and then I took them out. “Now you do them.” And he was 
putting in the plates just the opposite direction. And I’m thinking, 
“What’s going on here?” For some reason, I wanted to make sure he 
was putting them in this way. He was putting them in, but it wasn’t 
the same direction. And then Darcy pulled me aside and said, “Tim, 
you’re left-handed.” See, I was just grabbing them a certain way, and 
he’s right-handed.  
 
You see how it’s so easy to nit-pick and get off course in something 
that would really frustrate a kid?  
 
When they are immature or they are naïve and they don’t know what 
they’re doing, direct them. A little bit farther along, develop them. If 
they really have it down, just delegate it and let them do it their way. 
 
 
 
This can bring a lot more peace and harmony in the home. Plus, you’re 
really setting your kids up to not only go into the future prepared to 
really use their skills wisely, but you’re also showing them how when 
they’re parents, they can do the same for your grandkids. 
 
 
 
 
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