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iQuestions Faculty, Dr. Tim Kimmel 
 
 
Question: 
 
My husband is getting frustrated with me because I think with my 
emotions when we have to make a difficult decision. How can we 
resolve this conflict? 
 
Answer: 
 
It’s wonderful when a person can feel deeply. And it sounds like God 
has given you a sophisticated set of emotions. And that’s great.  
 
And then there are factors that play into our lives. We might have 
been brought up into a home where there’s a lot of drama and 
emotion. From day one, we were allowed to process our emotions out 
in the open without any boundaries on them. 
 
But there is a reason why your husband is getting frustrated, and it 
has to do with the ability of emotions to make a reasonable decision. 
Basically, they can’t. 
 
I want to step back and just give you a little quick “Emotions 101” 
lesson. Please, I hope this is helpful. I don’t mean to in any way to talk 
down, because emotions are a very vital part of our life. 
 
But you see, what we see in our culture is a lot of people thinking with 
their emotions. Sounds like that’s what you guys are struggling with: 
time to make a big decision? “Well, how do I feel about this?” 
 
Here’s the problem with thinking with your emotions. Emotions have 
no capacity to think. They only know how to feel. And as such, they 
don’t have to feel accurately. They can feel any way they want. They 
 
 
can give you false readings all the time. Go to a wedding. Can’t stop 
crying. Go to a funeral. Can’t stop laughing. What’s going on? Well, 
your emotions are pushed to an extreme, and so they default and they 
become unreliable. And so, that can really hamper a family trying to 
make hard decisions.  
 
When it’s time to make a decision, sure, you felt all the stuff about it, 
but when it’s time to make a decision, you need to make a decision 
based on the facts, the truth, logic, and common sense. That’s how 
you make a decision. 
 
Now, it’s great that you feel, but you are going to block the ability to 
make good choices if you don’t really finalize it based on the facts, the 
truth, logic, and common sense. Sounds like your husband has a lot of 
that. 
 
So, what I would suggest you do is, let’s take a month. Say, “For one 
month, my husband is going to have the freedom to make all the hard 
choices, and no matter how bad I feel and how much I just want to 
emote out-loud and get dramatic, I am going to ask God for the 
ability, I’m just going to work in my heart, or whatever, to just zip my 
lip and keep out of it, and just let him do it and see how they work 
out.” 
 
And then, you know what? This is also what we have umpires and 
counselors for. You need to talk with somebody about this, so that 
your emotions can flow through you but not consume you and control 
you. Because, see, if you are run by your emotions, unfortunately you 
can make a lot of bad choices out of that.  
 
Drama? It’s great in the theatre. It is great every once in a while in 
the home. But for the most part, let’s keep it in balance. When the 
intellect and the emotions and the spirit are all in balance, it’s amazing 
how much more fun life is around the house.  
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