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iQuestions Faculty, Ron Price 
 
 
Question: 
 
How do I deal with a co-worker who's rude to me and difficult to work 
with? 
 
Answer: 
 
Sooner or later, we all run into somebody at work who is just plain 
rude. Here are some ideas for how you can deal with that kind of 
situation.  
 
Begin by becoming what I refer to as a “third-party observer.” It’s 
almost as if you’re removed from the situation and you’re watching it 
like TV. That helps you to be more objective and to realize that their 
rudeness has nothing to do with you whatsoever.  
 
As a matter of fact, most people don’t give enough thought about us 
for that to affect the way they behave. Their behavior comes out of 
whatever it is that they’re struggling with.  
 
So ask yourself, “What might be going on in this person’s life?” Maybe 
they’ve got something happening at home, or they have a big deadline 
they’re trying to meet. Have some empathy for what they might be 
going through, and that might solve the problem right there. 
 
If you have somebody that you’re working with that is rude day after 
day, it may actually be part of their behavioral style. Some folks just 
have so much of a sense of urgency, so much competitiveness, so 
much drive to get results that they don’t even realize when they’re 
stepping on people along the way.  
 
 
 
If you have the kind of relationship with them to talk about behavioral 
styles, you could say, “I’ve noticed that you are so dedicated to the 
results that sometimes you don’t realize when you may be offending 
people.”   
 
If you don’t have that kind of relationship with them, another way to 
approach it would be to say, “Could we talk a little bit? I’ve had the 
feeling lately that you’re upset with me about something because of 
the way that you’ve been interacting with me. I just want you to know 
that I’m open to constructive criticism. Is there something that I’m 
doing wrong that I could do differently that would help you to be more 
effective?”  
 
Usually at this point, if they’ve got any decency at all, they’re going to 
apologize and say, “Oh, I didn’t realize that I’d been treating you that 
way.” If they don’t apologize, then you know you’re dealing with 
somebody who is just “that way.” It’s how they see the world, and you 
probably are never going to be able to change them. 
 
So now you work on developing a buffer-zone between you and them. 
You objectify, you document, you formalize things, so that you’re 
eliminating as much of the subjectivity as possible. 
Price -2- 
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