To download a printable version of this transcript, click here.
 
iQuestions Faculty, June Hunt 
 
 
Question: 
 
Does forgiveness mean that I have to be reconciled with someone who 
wronged me?  
 
Answer: 
 
Realize that forgiveness is not the same thing as reconciliation. 
Forgiveness is one-way, where you release the pain that someone else 
has caused—into the hands of God. You release that person to God, 
because the Bible says, “Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord. I will 
repay.” (Romans 12:19-21) 
 
But what about reconciliation? Reconciliation is two-ways, not one-
way.  So, how do you evaluate, if you are to have that oneness; that 
reconciliation? Well, honestly evaluate yourself and the relationship. 
Notice if the other person has taken responsibility for that person’s 
area of wrong.  In other words, there are times when a person will 
have forgiven, and they just assume, “Oh, then we just have to get 
back together”. An example where I would have difficulty with that 
would be; I’ve talked with many people who are victims of wife abuse; 
domestic violence. And, they assume, “I have to be reconciled to my 
husband. I have to go back, because I want to be genuinely 
committed to Christ.” Well, wait a minute. Didn’t Jesus move out of 
harm’s way? Didn’t He escape at times when He knew people had evil 
motives; that they intended to harm Him? That’s what the Bible 
actually says. And, therefore, He would not entrust Himself to those 
people. He did it until it was time for Him to be the sacrificial Lamb of 
God, Who would take away the sin of the world. 
 
 
If there has not been change, and there has been abuse, then, no. You 
don’t reconcile. If the person is not trustworthy—in other words, you 
need to evaluate, has this person been committed now to be 
absolutely trustworthy, absolutely truthful. If not, there’s not much 
basis of a relationship for reconciliation.  You need to set up 
appropriate boundaries. When someone has been wrong, and 
continues to cross the line and be offensive or abusive, you need to 
have boundaries. 
 
Now, does that person hold the boundaries, stay within the boundary, 
or cross over the boundary? If so, that’s not the breeding ground for 
reconciliation. You can forgive, but you don’t have to reconcile. 
 
Take time to cautiously think and sincerely pray before you let the 
offender back into your heart. You see, the Bible says, “Above all else, 
guard your heart, because it is a wellspring for life”. (Proverbs 4:23)  
And since some people tear us down, instead of building us up, realize 
that the Bible says, “Bad company corrupts good character”. (1 
Corinthians 15:33)  
 
In this case, you need to be led by God.  Should there be a true 
reconciliation? Or, should it be merely that you forgive, and then wait 
until that person has a changed life and is willing to be the person God 
created him or her to be? Be wise in your relationships. Jesus was. You 
can be, too. 
Hunt -2- 
To download a printable version of this transcript, click here.