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iQuestions Faculty, June Hunt 
 
 
Question: 
 
How do I know what real forgiveness looks like? 
 
Answer: 
 
One of the major misconceptions that I’ve had in my life had to do 
with forgiveness—specifically, I didn’t feel it was right, I didn’t feel it 
was fair, I didn’t feel it was justified for me to forgive the person who 
was hurting the one dearest to me. My father was harsh; his lifestyle, 
the way he treated people, and his adulterous affairs. The way he hurt 
my mom was very painful. In fact, I took up her offense, and I 
thought, “Oh, I’ve got to protect her”. You know children can’t protect 
their parents, but at least I was trying. And, I held a strong grudge. I 
held on to unforgiveness.  
 
Now, there was a period of time when I didn’t even know anything 
about forgiveness, and I’ve learned that God tells us we are to forgive.  
Let me explain my mindset: “But it’s not fair, because he had not 
asked for forgiveness. He had not even acknowledged he did anything 
wrong.” In fact, I went to him one day, and I said, “How can you hurt 
somebody who is so dear, somebody who is so giving and loving?” 
And he said, “I’m not a Christian. I do not have to go by Christian 
ethics.” I didn’t know what to say. 
 
So, for him not to even acknowledge wrong; which he really never did; 
I didn’t know what to do with that. That’s why I thought it wasn’t fair. 
Of course, when you think about fairness, it wasn’t fair for Jesus to 
hang on the cross, but He did so—for you and for me. 
 
 
My thought was, “But that’s like being a weak martyr”.  No. 
Forgiveness is being strong enough to be Christ-like. Let me ask you a 
question. Have you ever prayed what is called the Lord’s Prayer? “Our 
Father, Who art in heaven”; some people call it the model prayer. 
Well, in there is the passage, the statement, the prayer, “forgive us 
our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us”. Or, 
“forgive us our debts, as we also forgive our debtors”. Have you 
prayed that, like I have prayed that, many, many times? But, if we are 
really meaning that, we are asking God to forgive us in exactly the 
same way that we forgive others. Is that what you really want?  
 
It certainly is not what I wanted, when I began to think about it. I did 
not want God to forgive me in the same way that I had forgiven my 
father. I had to learn something different. I began to get exposed to 
scripture. I began to see all these passages about forgiveness, 
including Jesus on the cross. He said, “Father, forgive them, for they 
know not what they do”. (Luke 23:34) In other words, if He prayed to 
the Heavenly Father, “Father, forgive them,” that means they hadn’t 
repented, they hadn’t changed, they hadn’t even acknowledged any 
wrong. And, yet He chose to have a heart of forgiveness. 
 
My favorite passage dealing with forgiveness is Colossians 3:13: “Bear 
with each other, and forgive whatever grievances you have against 
one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”  That’s the nature of 
forgiveness. It’s giving someone something they don’t deserve. So, it’s 
not a matter of being deserved, that’s why it’s called forgiveness.  This 
was the most life-changing act that I did, beyond, apart from, 
receiving Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. 
 
You see, I was bitter. I held on to bitterness. I didn’t know I had 
bitterness. But, indeed, every time I looked at my father, I had hatred, 
bitterness, resentment, and I was really looking at him through a black 
filter. I just saw everything that he did with suspicion, and I wanted to 
Hunt -2- 
 
find him wrong. I looked for ways that he was at fault. I did not look at 
his need, I looked at his faults. 
 
I remember the day that I went to my mother and said, “Mother, how 
can you be so nice to him?”  I was really angry. I couldn’t understand 
how she could be so nice. And she said, “Oh, honey. He doesn’t have 
the Lord. If he only had the Lord, he wouldn’t be that way.” “Oh.” 
 
Her focus was not on his fault, it was on his need. He needed the Lord 
to change him inside out. You see, when I saw her focus, and her 
genuine love and compassion; she wasn’t bitter. She didn’t like what 
he did. She was hurt by what he did, but she had a focus that was 
different from mine. She looked beyond his fault and saw his need. 
 
Indeed, I learned through my mother’s example, it’s far better to look 
at a person’s need, not their faults. And, then to pray, “God, is there 
any way that You want me to be a part of helping meet that need? If 
so, I’m willing.”  
 
We lose if we hold on to unforgiveness. That’s why it’s vital for me to, 
no matter what anybody does, says, or how they act, I don’t want to 
hold on to unforgiveness. All I know is when somebody is doing 
unforgivable acts, that just lets me know they have a hole in their 
heart, and they need to be changed. They need to allow the Lord to 
change their lives.  
 
So, I’ve learned to pray for those who persecute me. I’ve learned to 
pray for those who are at fault. And, then I find that not only does it 
help me have a focus on their need, but it actually changes me inside 
out, so that I’m not held in captive, as a prisoner of the past. I’m free 
to be the person God created me to be. That’s what we both need. We 
need to be able to do exactly what He tells us to do, and that is to 
forgive those who sin against us. They need it, but it’s also the best 
gift you can give yourself. 
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