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iQuestions Faculty, June Hunt 
 
 
Question: 
 
I have made many mistakes in my past. Because of this, I have loved 
ones who are alienated from me. I am doing my best to get my life in 
order. How do I begin to reconcile with them when they are not 
looking to reconcile with me?  
 
Answer:  
 
Is there someone in your life where there’s not reconciliation? And, 
you really desire so much that you could possibly be reconciled? 
 
Understand, you can’t make another person be reconciled to you. In 
fact, that is the case with me. There is someone, I’ve tried everything 
I could, and, thus far, there’s not reconciliation.  
 
But as far as it is possible with you, you can do what would be the 
building blocks; the foundation for reconciliation. That means, number 
one, go to that person, genuinely asking for forgiveness—not for just 
one specific situation. You can mention specifics, but then hit the 
general category or categories, like, “I see that I’ve been insensitive. I 
see that I’ve been ungrateful. I see that I’ve been wrong.” And say, “I 
recognize that I’ve been wrong, and I’ve come to ask, ‘will you forgive 
me?’” 
 
Make it a question. Not just saying, “I’m sorry, but you were [at fault] 
too,” or “I’m sorry,” because then the person can say, “Yeah, you sure 
are sorry.” No, ask the question, “I am wrong. I see that I have been 
wrong. Will you be willing to forgive me?” 
 
 
If the person says, “No,” then you’ve done everything you could. If the 
person says, “Yes,” then there’s the potential for continuing to grow in 
a relationship.  Remember, the Bible says, “Love your enemy”. 
(Matthew 5:43) So, ask God to give you insight; “What is most 
loving?” and you can decide, “I will do what’s in his best interest,” “I 
will do what’s in her best interest”. Because, you see, that’s exactly 
what God has done for us.  Even though at times we were rebellious, 
even though at times we went astray, He has loved us with an 
everlasting love. And, He did not focus on what we did. That’s not His 
focus. His focus is on what He wants to do in our relationship with 
Him, and how He will make us whole.  
 
So, focus on loving on behalf of the one toward whom you desire 
reconciliation. And, you will see that your attitude change typically will 
cause an attitude change in the one toward whom you are alienated 
right now. Realize that with God, all things are possible, including 
reconciliation.  
Hunt -2- 
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