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 1 
iQuestions Expert, Doug Rosenau 
 
 
Question: 
 
How can we incorporate more variety into our lovemaking? 
 
Answer: 
 
I oftentimes get couples that will ask about variety, and sometimes 
they come to me and they just say something like, “What about oral 
sex?” Or, “What about” whatever. And I will say, “Do you want me to 
just talk about oral sex, or do you want me to give you a vision of 
what variety can be?” 
 
Because, I think variety really is more about the largest sex organ, 
which is our mind. Variety really is about enjoying our curiosity and 
being very playful. 
 
One thing that oftentimes I have couples do is “plan sexual surprises.” 
It’s amazing how creative people can be if you just give them that 
simple directive of “plan a sexual surprise for your mate.” 
 
I remember one couple where it was Christmastime, and she was out 
jogging, and when she came home he had this bed made up and the 
Christmas tree lights on and the music on—just a really fun sexual 
surprise—and they were talking about how exciting and enjoyable it 
was on that Christmas Eve night. 
 
So, part of it would be surprises. Another thing, to me, a part of 
variety can be some things that we don’t even think about, and that’s 
trying something new, maybe trying a new position of intercourse or 
even really exploring each other’s bodies more.  
 
 
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We think sometimes we know our mate. We know our wife or our 
husband. We know their bodies real well. But sometimes we need to 
take a half hour and just really do what we call sensual massage or a 
sensate focus, and really enjoy it, and even just stay away from the 
genital areas, and really try to learn our mate’s body. 
 
So, remember when you look at variety, we’re really not talking totally 
technique—though those are important—we’re talking a lot more about 
bringing that playfulness, that curiosity, that true enjoyment. Because, 
you’re not just making love to an object, you’re making love to your 
beloved, your mate, the person that you will be spending years and 
years with. 
 
So, bring some creativity back to it. Enjoy her body. Plan some 
surprises. 
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