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 1 
iQuestions Expert, Doug Rosenau 
 
 
Question: 
 
Why don't I like to be touched after lovemaking? 
 
Answer: 
 
Couples sometimes ask me, “Why is it that I feel sensitive, or I don’t 
want to be touched after lovemaking, or I actually just feel repulsed 
somehow?” 
 
I try to explore that question, thinking there could be differing 
reasons. Sometimes, it could simply be, after we’ve made love and 
enjoyed all that physical sensation, sometimes the tissue—penis, 
clitoris, other parts of the body—are just too sensitive to be touched 
some more. 
 
But oftentimes, I also try to explore, “Could there be a relational issue 
here? Could there be some trauma?”  
 
It’s always critical, I think, to look at the effects of child sexual abuse 
and how lovemaking may have triggered something that really creates 
for the wife or the husband that inability to be close and a need to 
retreat and a feeling of being almost repulsed at times. 
 
Or it could possibly be, when we look at that inability to be touched, 
that somehow one or the other of the mates or the partners really 
feels like they have been used. There really is some anger and 
resentment. So, they’ve been able somehow to go through with the 
lovemaking, but later, right afterwards, they are really feeling some 
resentment and hurt that needs to be dealt with. 
 
 
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So, don’t ignore something like this, but be able to look at it and try to 
understand, why is it—and so often, psychologically, sexually it’s never 
one reason. There are two or three.  
 
Examine that together because this is an indication or signal that 
something’s wrong. So, look into what’s going on in your life, and if it 
is something like abuse, get the help that you need to help that get 
resolved and healed. 
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