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iQuestions Expert, Doug Rosenau 
 
 
Question: 
 
Are there any tips for overcoming the messiness of sex? 
 
Answer: 
 
I really feel empathy for newlyweds, because they just aren’t used to 
the messiness of sex.  
 
Their sexual lovemaking involves fluids, vaginal secretions, semen  
and noises. And one young lady said, “It’s just so animalistic.”  
 
So, try to think it through: how do we deal with this? Well, part of it 
would just be some practical ideas. Keep some Kleenexes or a warm 
washcloth close. Have the things that you’re going to use—like if 
you’re choosing to use some type of birth control like condoms, have 
them readily available so it doesn’t interrupt the flow. Some of it’s 
common sense like that. 
 
A lot of it is an attitude, too, in dealing with the messiness of sex. Part 
of it is, with great sex, you have to learn as lovers to laugh a lot. 
Some of it is just funny. Mishaps will happen. 
 
Some of it is letting go of control—that will be hard for some of you. 
But really let go of control. Learn to be truly uninhibited, and just be 
playful and enjoy each other and not worry about the mess.  
 
Sometimes, in truthfulness, some of the mess and the secretions and 
the smells actually become pretty erotic for you, because it will be so 
tied in your lovemaking and will trigger sensory stimulation in good 
ways as you get more used to it. 
 
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I think a final word of advice would be: make sure you talk.  
 
Sometimes some of the mess is able to be minimized or dealt with if 
you just talk about it together and say, “How can we deal with this? I 
want the afterglow. I want to be able to lie with you and just enjoy 
you after sex, but I just hate the secretions that are there. What can 
we do about it?”  
 
As you talk, you will learn how to strategically place towels or get up 
and run to the bathroom and come back and hold each other and talk.  
 
So, communicate. Communicate. That’s important with mess. That’s 
probably the most important thing—that you work it through as a 
couple and just allow it to be arousing and allow it to not get in the 
way. In fun ways, let go of control and laugh together.  
 
  
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