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iQuestions Expert, Doug Rosenau 
 
 
Question: 
 
Is slang talk ever helpful to a good sex life? 
 
Answer: 
 
This really comes up a lot in our lovemaking. Do we create our 
language? Is slang OK? What goes on with that? And maybe defining 
what language is. 
 
I think part of it would be that there is usually kiddie language. You 
know, things that are not actually correct at times, like for penis “pee-
pee,” or just things that are silly—“down there”—that don’t really 
make for very skillful communication.  
 
Then I think so often we create our slang, our language. And what I 
encourage couples is to not get caught up at times into the culture. 
Sometimes, the culture really makes the slang words very harsh for 
men—like “prick” or “dick.” And then sometimes for women, just silly 
words—like for breasts, “bazongas,” “balloons.” I mean, just stuff that 
is so silly. 
 
And so, I think it’s important when I work with couples to say, “You 
want to make your love life the best ever. How are you going to take 
and create your own language?”  
 
Sometimes, it’s important to learn the clinical words. Sometimes with 
couples, as I try to help them create a language, I will just tell them to 
take a book and read out loud to each other—trying to get more 
comfortable with just the clinical language.  
 
 
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But then I think it’s a fun thing to create our own slang at times. And 
sometimes in my sessions, I mean, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to 
understand when this couple is saying, “Big John isn’t working well 
right now.” 
 
I think there are ways that we can in playful and fun ways create 
names for body parts. But again, a word of caution with slang is that 
we really want to keep it so we don’t offend someone’s sensibility. We 
don’t want to offend someone where a given word could trigger for our 
mate, for our husband or wife, images or could create just a 
repugnance or put-off. 
 
We want to be able to incorporate into our lovemaking in a way that 
builds it, that enhances it, that we can enjoy.  
 
But remember, it’s not easy to create that language. Even the clinical 
words are not easy to use. So, you may need to practice vagina, penis, 
clitoris, really being able to comfortably talk during lovemaking, after 
your lovemaking, just to work this through, and create a language for 
yourself and keeping slang between the lines where you can enjoy it 
and it can enhance your lovemaking and really get that spontaneous 
playfulness that you want. 
 
 
 
 
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