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 1 
iQuestions Expert, Doug Rosenau 
 
 
Question: 
 
Is slang talk ever helpful to a good sex life? 
 
Answer: 
 
How do we coach? How do we create lovemaking that’s fun for us? 
 
I think we could look at that both ways. One way to look at it would 
be, “Husbands, who knows your wives’ body better, you or her?” 
Probably her.  
 
And so, I really feel like there’s this male need to be competent, and 
so anytime our wife makes a little suggestion—oh!— we just get 
offended, and we pout, and we just shut the lovemaking down, rather 
than allowing her to do that in good ways. 
 
What I say to gals, to wives, is: remember that some major coaching 
probably needs to be done, not in the lovemaking, but fully-clothed, 
across the dining room table and the kitchen table or something, 
where you can really talk to each other. 
 
You know, “You’re sitting on my elbow,” that’s good coaching. “A little 
lower, a little softer,” that’s good coaching. “I hate your beard burn.” 
“Your body order is troubling me.” That’s major coaching. That’s 
across-the-dining-room-table-type of coaching.  
 
So, husbands, we need to let our wives tell us what feels good to her 
without pouting, without feeling incompetent, but to allow an easy, 
comfortable flow. 
 
 
 2 
OK, gals, wives: I think there are ways you can do this coaching. So 
often with women, what I say to them is, “Men are ego-driven, so if 
you can throw some affirmation in there, it really, really helps.”  
 
In fact, I tell them sometimes, why don’t you sandwich your coaching 
with affirmation like, “Wow, what a stud! You are a great lover”? And 
then you could say, “You know, a little softer. A little bit lower would 
help,” and then maybe even put in another resounding “you stud!” 
 
I mean, there is something in this way that helps. And he is thinking, 
“Yeah! I’m a great lover. I can do this. I can do anything.”  
 
Men are pretty easy, gals. Men are pretty easy if we are able to 
sandwich that coaching with some sensitivity and with some 
affirmation and praise, too.  
 
So, coaching? It can be pretty critical both ways, in terms of making 
the love life. Husbands, it’s not about your competency. It’s about 
creating a great love life. Wives, learn to sandwich it with praise and 
be gentle, and save some of that major coaching for when you are 
fully-clothed, after the lovemaking, where you really try to 
communicate in good ways.   
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