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iQuestions Expert, Doug Rosenau 
 
 
Question: 
 
Are men and women really wired that different sexually? 
 
Answer: 
 
There are a lot of myths out there about men and women, sexually. 
Try to think through, “Are we wired really differently?”  
 
Usually, what I like to say is that two things are true. One, men and 
women really are more similar sexually than they are different. Two, 
men and women are really wired different sexually. 
 
But I think both are true. There really is a part of it that, when we look 
at the similarities, our lovemaking and arousal is quite similar, the 
orgasms are quite similar, and there is that need for emotional 
connecting, not just physical stimulation.  
 
There are a lot of things that are very similar with men and women. 
Men aren’t always horny. There really are things that get in their way, 
just like with women, that get in their way. And actually, as we age, 
probably we become even more similar rather than different, even in 
the way of experiencing orgasms and other types of arousal and 
enjoying each other. 
 
So, I think women and men, as we look at this, we really need to 
understand that we are very similar, but we are really different, too. 
We really are different. 
 
When I look at this, men at times, if I were just trying to pinpoint a 
few—and I don’t want to be stereotypical, because some of you gals 
 
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listening will say, “Oh, that’s me! That’s me!”—but men overall at 
times will be more visual. They really are kind of eternal adolescents: 
what they see they want to touch. 
 
Women are visual, but they are a lot more holistic in their visual 
nature. Like my wife, for example. If we are going down the road and 
we see a cute jogger, she will maybe notice the jogger and make a 
comment like “nice buns,” or something. But me, I might even drive 
off the road almost trying to see what she looked like in the rearview 
mirror. 
 
I think there’s a part of it where women are not as immediately visual 
and not as visually specific. Just in terms of what stimulates women, 
there is a lot more variety. Men are just more predictable. They just 
really are. 
 
So, when I look at this and try to answer this question—“How are we 
different and how are we the same?”—I would just encourage you to 
explore that with each other. You will find that there are some things 
where you are a lot more similar than you think, but I also feel like 
there are times when we get into this that men just put a lot more in 
this sexual thing. They put a lot more in their intimacy basket. They 
just have a lot more meaning in the sexual. 
 
The women have a lot more varied in what is intimate for them, so 
that sometimes the gal will think he’s a sex fiend, when indeed, this is 
just the way he gets his adventure needs met. This is the way he feels 
close and feels touched.  
 
It’s so funny to me when I look at these differences, I will sometimes 
say to my wife, “It’s Friday night. We’re alone. Would you like to make 
love? Or would you like me to sit on the couch and rub your feet and 
talk to you?” And she’s saying, “I’d like you to sit on the couch and rub 
 
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my feet and talk to me.” And the funny thing is, those two are equal in 
it to her, and I don’t understand that. So, go figure. 
 
So, there’s a part of this when we look at it, again, we’re quite similar, 
but there are a lot of differences, too, in the way we enjoy 
lovemaking, the way we express intimacy, the way we enjoy intimacy. 
So, vive la différence!  
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