To download a printable version of this transcript, click here.
 
 1 
iQuestions Expert, Doug Rosenau 
 
 
Question: 
 
What can help us resume healthy lovemaking after our child is born? 
 
Answer: 
 
I sometimes get couples that are nine months or a year beyond having 
their first baby or their second baby, and they still haven’t resumed 
lovemaking. So, I think it’s important to examine, “What happens after 
a child is born?” and, “How does it affect our lovemaking?” 
 
For the wife, these are some of the hugest, I mean just the large 
differences. She’s a mom, and she really has that responsibility. And 
women are quite easily distracted. They multitask well, but they are 
just easily distracted. 
 
There are also times that she’s just tired. A lot of it’s not her desire; 
it’s not her interest sometimes. It’s just the fatigue that’s 
overwhelming her.  
 
Some of it’s body image issues. You know, you look different after you 
have carried a baby for nine months and have stretch marks and other 
things, and she’s worried about how her husband will feel about this. 
 
With the husband, sometimes he’s just wanting that sexual intimacy 
again, and he does think about it a lot, and unfortunately he’s 
probably not even getting his touch needs met enough, because she’s 
perhaps nursing, and the child is close. She’s getting a lot of these 
touch needs met, and this poor guy is feeling that he is just being 
deprived.  
 
 
 2 
So, what can you do? Obviously, talk about it. Talk about it together. 
Talk about some of what’s getting in the way, like fatigue, and not just 
interest. Talk about how he could be attended to in the midst of these 
children or this new child.  
 
Maybe, just try to structure to getting back to making love again. 
Sometimes it’s a little awkward. I oftentimes tell people that when you 
haven’t made love in a while, like after a child is born, how do you get 
back? And I say, “It’s just like when you’re standing on the dock and 
it’s a cold lake on a summer day, and you just have to grab your nose 
and jump.” 
 
I think that’s true at times after childbirth. It’s been that two months, 
the healing has taken place. Sometimes you just have to grab your 
nose and jump.  
 
But do talk about all the changes that are going on and will continue to 
go on for the years to come.  
 
 
To download a printable version of this transcript, click here.