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iQuestions Expert, Doug Rosenau
Question:
My wife thinks I pre-maturely ejaculate. What’s the problem?
Answer:
When we consider masturbation and try to understand, as a single
person, what does it represent, exactly—what does it mean—I think if
I were just giving a simple answer, I would say, “It all depends.”
That’s not very simple, is it?
But there really is a part of this, if we look at masturbation, that
sometimes there is just hormonal buildup, there is just a need for
release, and then I could think masturbation is OK. I really do.
Other times, I think if I were really seeing a dialogue with Christ, I
think Jesus would say, “What does it mean to you? What does it mean
to you personally? Are you using masturbation as just a sexual buzz?
Are you totally divorcing yourself and isolating from intimacy? What is
going on with you, exactly? Are you using masturbation with
pornography to create some type of addiction? How are you utilizing
masturbation?”
I think sometimes when we get into this issue of a given behavior; I
never think it’s as simple as just defining the behavior. I think we have
to go to the heart of the matter of what’s going on with the person,
what’s going on with the attitude, rather than just ban the behavior—
which is a little disturbing at times, I think, because we would much
more easily like to have this legalistic approach where we could say,
“This is wrong. This is right.”
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A final comment I would make about masturbation would be that it will
always be incomplete. There really is a part of sexual desire that’s
really driving us to intimacy. Just taking the edge off the sexual desire
and urges really won’t create intimacy. So, there’s a part of that that
will always be incomplete.
We have to understand that sometimes, rather than masturbating, we
might be better to truly go out and do a 10k, or be with our friends, or
truly enjoy some aspect of intimacy that is really meaningful, rather
than masturbate.
So, don’t get simplistic—really sort through the concept. Don’t have a
knee-jerk “it’s right” or “it’s wrong” attitude, but really think through
what it means to you. How is it operating in your sexuality and in your
sexual desire, in who you are as a man or woman and who you are as
a man or woman in relationships with other people?
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