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 1 
iQuestions Expert, Doug Rosenau 
 
 
Question: 
 
I get lonely and use sex for intimacy. It seems to work okay for the 
short-term but how can I get it to last? 
 
Answer: 
 
Singles at times really are lonely. Sometimes, they just want to be 
held.  
 
What’s sad at times is that they feel like they can meet these needs 
through sexual means, through sexual relationships. Sometimes I 
think that they hope that instant sex will create instant intimacy, that 
somehow it will allow them to really bond. You know, intimacy really 
flows out of our sexual expression. It can’t just create it. 
 
At other times, I get single women, especially, fearing that this is a 
way they need to cement their relationship. So, there are ways they 
are meeting their sexual needs, but it’s really kind of a non-sexual 
need they are trying to meet sexually. 
 
I remember one young man who was talking to me, one single guy, 
who said, “You know, my mom died, and I wish I had a woman who 
would hold me, and I don’t know how to do that other than get 
sexually involved with some gal.” 
 
So I was thinking, “Isn’t it a shame that at times we truly can’t 
separate out the sexual from the non-sexual, the sexual from the non-
erotic, and really be able to meet these needs of healthy relationships 
with the opposite sex in ways we can meet those touch-needs and 
 
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ways to really feel loved and enjoyed, and meet those needs without 
having to go sexual?” 
 
Let me encourage you. Let’s fight some of the single culture. Let’s 
really see if we can sort this through better and in healthy ways meet 
needs without having to always go sexual in ways that go 
counterproductive for the person involved in that given relationship. 
 
  
 
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