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 1 
iQuestions Expert, Doug Rosenau 
 
 
Question: 
 
If I don't put out sexually will my peers really want to date me? 
 
Answer: 
 
It really is a good question: “If I don’t put out sexually, will my peers 
really want to date me?” 
 
You know, possibly not. And I’m not just talking men here. I get guys 
that come to me and say, “Wow. Talk about aggressive women!” 
 
And so I’m saying “possibly not,” but there really will be—maybe a 
smaller minority—a group of people that have thought their sexuality 
through more carefully, that truly will date you and will applaud and 
will be pleased that you have thought through your sexuality more 
carefully. 
 
Really, when we’re looking at this, we’re trying to understand, in a 
broader sense, “What is sexuality about? Is it just a behavior? Is it 
just, you know, we have sexual interaction of varying kinds, or have 
sex?”  
 
Is it just the behavior, or is there something relational about this? Is 
there something that actually connects hearts and connects souls and 
connects the person? Is there something that is being longed for that 
is much, much more than just the bodies connecting?  
 
I think so. I really think so. 
 
 
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So, when I get a question like this, I applaud single young people who 
choose not to be sexually involved and really take care of their souls. 
 
Sometimes, when I’m talking to singles, I’ll just ask the question, 
“What does sex mean to you?” and a lot of them have never really 
thought that through very carefully. 
 
So, I think that as we really think this through carefully, we realize 
that there is a lot deeper meaning to this and there really is a 
relational and a connectional and a soul and heart in a part of the 
sexuality and being able to relate. And just that quick connecting 
oftentimes won’t meet those soul needs, won’t meet those intimacy 
needs, that desire to really feel connected. 
 
I think I would also add in quickly just the whole issue of STDs and a 
variety of things that our culture, our society just is going to have to 
deal with if we don’t think through more deeply this question about 
what is sexuality about. And, how do I relate to someone and how do I 
honor and respect my own sexuality and honor and respect that 
sexuality in relationships with others. 
 
So I applaud that this kind of question is there, and I applaud those 
who say, “No, that’s not where I want to go.” 
 
  
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