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iQuestions Expert, Michael Sytsma 
 
 
Question: 
 
I've made some sexual mistakes in the past. How can I heal 
from those? 
 
Answer: 
 
I really like how you ask that question: “How can I heal from the 
sexual mistakes in my past?” 
 
Many of us have made sexual mistakes in our past, and the reality is 
we can heal from those. 
 
Some wounds, though, are small enough that they heal completely, 
and we never know that they were there. Other wounds are more 
intense. They are deeper. They may even leave a scar.  
 
Some of the sexual mistakes in our past will heal completely and will 
be gone. Others will leave a scar, and we will remember those from 
our past, and they may have an ongoing impact to us.  
 
But there are a few things to remember and a couple of steps that you 
can work on taking. The first one is, remember that there can be 
healing, and that healing can be complete. A healed scar is still a 
complete healing. 
 
The second one is to begin working on forgiving yourself for that 
mistake. Sometimes, it’s really difficult to let go of the weight that we 
carry for ourselves, for having made the mistake in the past. 
 
 
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A third one is, it’s important to share that with somebody else: a 
therapist who is trained to work in this area, or an accountability 
partner, a pastor that you truly trust with that information. To get it 
out, to confess it, to lay it out on the table and to sort through it really 
helps us in the healing. 
 
I think it’s important that we learn how to stop living in the past, how 
to stop replaying that we made this mistake, and then, finally, to 
create a vision for what it’s going to look like in the future when we 
are healed, and to begin to live that way. 
 
There may be a wound. There may be a scar that comes from that. 
Remember, though, that scar tissue is often stronger than the tissue 
that is not scarred, and sometimes the mistakes from our past create 
a scar that allows for uniqueness and allows for a powerful way for us 
to come together in intimacy with our spouse. 
 
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