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iQuestions Expert, Michael Sytsma 
 
 
Question: 
 
My wife always wants a massage as a prelude to making love. Is this 
really a turn on for women? 
 
Answer: 
 
Yes, many women do need a massage in helping them to get ready for 
sex, in helping them to warm up to the idea, in helping them to get 
more aroused.  
 
Many of you might have seen the picture that went around on the 
internet, where for her, there was a bunch of knobs and dials, and 
everything had to be set up right before the switch could be flipped. 
For him, it was just simply an on/off switch. 
 
Because of how our bodies are designed, men can often shift into 
being sexually aroused very quickly. That is good, but it doesn’t 
always mesh with her. She may need some more time to gear up for 
that. 
 
Massage helps you to slow down and it helps you feel like you’re 
connecting with her, and not just going for the end result of an 
orgasm. 
 
The other part is, our bodies, when touched by someone we love and 
care about, begin to release a chemical. This chemical is called 
oxytocin. It’s a really cool chemical. Sometimes we call it the bonding 
or the connecting chemical.  
 
 
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It’s one of those chemicals that is really important for her. It begins to 
lay the foundation for her body to even be able to respond to you, to 
be receptive to you, for her to begin to get aroused. 
 
And as you begin to gently and carefully and lovingly caress her skin, 
to caress her body, as she relaxes into that, as she begins to be very 
aware of your presence and how you’re caring for her, how you’re 
nurturing her, as she feels your touch in a very sensual but not 
groping sexual way, she can relax and she can begin to get aroused. 
 
So, yes. It can be a very important part of it. What a great opportunity 
for you to really get to know your wife’s body, to tune in to the 
caressing that you’re doing, to tune in to what you love about her 
body, and to just relax and enjoy that opportunity. 
 
That she’s open to that, and that she’s telling you what she likes, 
that’s a gift, my friend. Go and enjoy it with her. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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