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 1 
iQuestions Expert, Michael Sytsma 
 
 
Question: 
 
My wife has an STD that flares up once in a while. Luckily, I've never 
contracted it. Should we avoid sex all together or just during the flare-
ups? 
 
Answer: 
 
How to handle a sexually-transmitted disease is an important question 
in a marriage. It’s going to depend on which sexually-transmitted 
disease you’re talking about. 
 
That she’s not taking medication that is going to cure it leads me to 
believe that it’s a virus, and she will probably have it the rest of her 
life. That it flares up at times leads me to believe that it’s herpes. 
 
Assuming that it’s herpes, first of all, there is a good chance that you 
have already contracted it. Our research has shown that it is going to 
be passed from partner to partner, whether she is in a flare-up or not. 
 
So, that you guys are married and that you are regularly having sex, 
you have likely already contracted it, even if you’re not showing 
symptoms and are not having a flare-up. 
 
I definitely would not want you to stop having sex altogether. Now, it 
may be important that you don’t have sex during a flare-up because of 
the pain that’s involved with it, but it’s probably most important that 
the two of you agree that “this is what is”—because of some choices 
that have been made in the past, she has a sexually-transmitted 
disease, and at some point in the marriage, you are going to contract 
that from her. 
 
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This is not a thing that we want to stop or get in the way of your 
sexual intimacy. So, keep working on getting intimate with each other, 
despite the fact that this is a part of your life together.  
 
Go enjoy each other, and really have time developing your sexual 
intimacy. 
 
 
 
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